Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Confessions of a control freak

Ok, I admit it....I am a control freak!!!!!!

For most of you this comes as no surprise!!!!

Some of this post may best be shared with just Mr. Producer, but it's my blog and I control it :)

Honestly, I get my controlling nature from my mom! (Mom, I love you and get MANY other wonderful qualities from you as well).

I will if given the chance, or even if not really, try to control anything (I am after all a mom, isn't that what we do??) !!!!

I control what my kids wear. I control what we do. I even try to control what we do with friends most of the time. I control what we eat. I control bed times. I control our finances. I control the errands, the chores, the pets (ok, well maybe not so much the cat and chickens who has a mind of their own). I control who I want to talk to (and will continue to talk even if they don't want me to :) I control when we go to church (and when we don't). I control who I want to see and when. I control the discipline method. I control the garden. I think one of the reasons I love texting is because I can control when I talk to you and you can NOT control when you hear from me!!! I usually control what we order from other kids fundraisers!! Heck, I even control Little Man and Mr. Producer's facebook farms for the love of pete!!!

I have little tolerance it seems some days for people who can not equally control stuff!! But then get mad at those who take the control from me...hehehe

Is it really any wonder that I choose teaching as a profession??

Now, in my defense, I do NOT ever try to control things to be mean. Sometimes I do it to alleviate stress from other people, to make their lives easier! A lot of the times, I am controlling a situation or something and don't even realize it!!! It is just simply a part of my personality! Just as much as being social (yes, my school parent/teacher conferences always held that I was a great child, a good student academically, but I ALWAYS needed to work on not being so chatty!!!!) And as much as wanting to help other people...Again, no surprise to most of you!!!

I am a control freak but not a nazi. I control what my kids wear in the sense that I pick out 5 outfits for school that week, they get to pick which of the 5 they want to wear on what day(provided it matches)! I control what we eat for dinner, but give everyone a choice on their drinks. I control that they must take a bath, but don't control what they play with in the tub. I control when I sit on the couch and snuggle and watch TV with Mr. Producer and what we watch, but I don't control what he watches when I am not sitting there with him....although sometimes I would like to as I can only listen to so many Seinfeld reruns :)

I accept this as part of my character. I do not often look at this as a flaw. I take pride in having things turn out perfectly because I controlled them to be that way!


I no longer want control!!!!! Now that I have taken it all, I don't want it.

The problem with taking everything is that there is nothing left for anyone.
The problem with enjoying having everything is that you don't want to share.
The problem with not sharing is that you do eventually get tired.

To the fab 4 and Mr. Producer! I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!

I realize one of the reasons why Mr. Producer LOVES his job and loves to work is because there he has control!

I recognize there is always a need for control. Some things just require it. Even something as simple as getting together with friends, needs someone to lead the way, make the plans (but that someone needs to pay attention to what everyone else wants to do)

This last year, I have heard on more than one occasion that I have changed. For the most part, I want to yell no. But then, I have to is true!

I have realized this past year, that I AM DAMN TIRED!

I no longer want full control of everything and anything. I want people to make decisions sometimes for me and sometimes with me!

But I realize that means I have to let go of the control. And that scares me. What if the whole world falls apart?! (I know they wont though! Take my absence from decision making of a fundraiser purchase, well that turned out even better than OK!)

Yet, I am just at the point of tired enough, that I don't care if the world falls apart. I don't care if the kids live on McDonalds, if Little man doesn't do his homework, the list could go on and on!

This is where the change in me has come in! I have controlled my thoughts enough to not share them...Eeeeek!!!!

So I quit taking control of many things, and yes, it seems some things have fallen apart! What I didn't do though, was come forward to my team mate and say "hey honey...I am sorry I have taken such control, I want you to take some back, please let's work on this together." Oh no, the control freak in me, has just said, I am not doing this anymore and let it slide! Expecting someone else to take the reins they didn't even know were laying around!

So where am I going with this information? Why did I choose to share my private mess-up with the rest of the world? (aside from still wanting to be in some control ;)

Well, because I think most of you deserve an apology from me. For my friends whose time I completely monopolized, I am so sorry. Please know that I did it out of love for you and wanting to be with you! For the Fab 4...I am sorry babies but I am giving you some control won't be easy, we will sink in the beginning. (please know when you see us in public and the kids may not match or their hair isn't brushed, well....they have control over that ;) As for Mr. Producer....most of my apology will have to take place out of the public realm...I do have enough control of myself to not share most of our dirty laundry ;) But, publicly, let me say...I am so sorry!!!!

To friends....If I don't text you, call you or ask to get together, please know that I still want to, just take some control and ask me!!

To my family...when I am starting to control a situation or something instead of just giving a reminder.....TELL ME GENTLY!

So, don't ask me what we are having for dinner tonight or what the kids are wearing tomorrow....they will have control!  It might be chocolate chips and soda and dorito's.....its ok, they will tire of that eventually. They may show up to school or church or football practice this evening in plaids and stripes....that too is ok, because well, they are just cute enough to pull it off!!!!

Psst.....I always maintain the right to control MY BLOG though!!!

I love all of my fellow control know who you are, whether you admit it or not, you DO know who you are. JUST ONCE, GIVE UP THE CONTROL! Just let the world know you are doing it so there are no surprises :)

and I am a perfectionist, but that is a confession for another day! :)

Monday, October 25, 2010

A pessimist

Even a pessimist can be happy!

Allowing your happiness to depend upon another human only sets you up to be disappointed. Find your own happiness within your self and depend on other people to enjoy it!

Life will not turn out the way you thought it would when you were a child, a teenager or a young adult...It will always be better!

Life is only as hard as you let it be! Even the difficult times can be easy with the right attitude!

You can have a bad day, week, month and still be happy.

Everyone has some blue times and grumpy is how you are the other 300 days out of the year that determine your personality!!!!

You are as young or as old as you want to be. I may be 35 with 4 kids, but I still feel like I am a 17 year old (just with more responsibility)!

Life really is too short to be taken too serious! Resolve to do something fun and silly at least twice a month!

If you don't enjoy your life or what you do....keep searching until you do!

You are not an ostrich...everything in life grows upward...

Thursday, October 14, 2010

No heels required

Registration complete....Entry fee started is the OFFICIAL announcement...............

I AM doing the Disney Princess Half Marathon run on Sunday February 27th 2011 at 6am!

I am so excited (and scared, did I mention that already?)

I had 2 best friends through middle school and half of high school...1 (AMY) I never lost touch with, the other (LISA), well a change of lifestyles got in the way and we sort of drifted apart....But, a few years later (hey, we aren't that old :) a certain awesome social network brought us back together.

Lisa currently lives on the East coast of Florida. With 7 kids and 4 additional pseudo-kids (who's age shall remain unnamed to protect the guilty, I mean innocent :) between us, let's just say we haven't had the chance to visit in person as of yet.

Through much talking, social networking and texting, we have discovered we have many things in common, aside from quirky sense's of humor. We discovered we both thoroughly enjoy running but don't have near enough time to do so.

Now, if you have followed my blog for any length of time, you know that I have lost a good deal of weight over the last year (39lbs to be exact). Well, sadly, I have put back on a couple of those pounds (grrrr....fine, 12 to be exact :p)...I have gotten lazy and developed a love of a certain frozen coffee concoction at a local fast food place, that is less than healthy to be sure...and well, anyway...............

So when Mr. Producer came home one day and casually mentioned a race sponsored by Disney, I checked into it. After perusing the website, my initial reaction was....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Who in the HECK am I kidding....I haven't run in a while, and even when I was I NEVER ran the length of a half marathon or even half of a half marathon!!!

But an idea was forming....Semi-jokingly, I forwarded the information via email to Lisa. Then I texted her and said...."I sent you an email and all I can say is...wanna be team mates?" I think I was more hoping than not that she would say no!

Well, she didn't. She emphatically said YES!!!!!

So, in true Tracy OCD style, I began to plan! And the more I researched and thought truly about the distance of 13.1 miles, the more I began to FREAK OUT!!!!

But, I had already committed myself to Lisa and while I hadn't actually paid the (oh not so small) registration fee, I had given her my word. And well, she quickly went and bought a jogging stroller, so really how in the heck could I back out then???? (Thanks Lisa :)

So, the training has begun. To see our team name, training schedule, our stats (but you MAY NOT JUDGE), and/or to encourage us, go here.

Now if you know much about me, you know I am cheap...err, I mean, frugal! By God if I am going to pay the entry fee price, well then I am going to run.

So, with the fee paid, the team name picked, new head phones for ipod, new ipod songs being picked, a family vacation planned for that weekend and training started...Mommy is announcing to the world that I AM going to run the half marathon.

All the Disney characters are out on the race course to encourage you and provide you with breathing breaks, I mean photo opportunities! How cool is that? And according to pictures, you even get a tiara!!!

Please know that Lisa and I are NOT looking to "place" anything specific, we are just looking to finish with our pride and dignity in tact! We are hoping the weather is NOT to cold. We are definitely looking forward to the chance to finally see each other again. (I am not so looking forward to being the wearer of the dorky fanny pack to hold the camera for photo ops though :)

And lastly, we are looking forward to the chance to be a princess for a while, wear a tiara and thankful that there is a NO HEELS REQUIRED rule!!!

Feel free to visit our fan page and leave us encouragement....we're gonna need it! Otherwise, well, I am sure my blog posts and status updates will leave you more informed than you want to be.... :)

In case you are counting, we have 19.5 weeks left to train until race day!!!

Um, and seriously Disney, my only complaint is.....6AM?????  WTH!!!! This is Florida, in February....It won't be hot even if you started the race at 9AM.....just saying!!!!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Can you sweat in a Tiara?

Big announcement will follow within the week....but here is a teaser....

I am making a BIG commitment!

I am equal parts scared and excited.

I am jumping at the chance to get to visit and reconnect in person with an old friend....old as in how long we have known each other, not as in she is old!! (because we are the same age, if I said she was old, get the point ;)

I have scrolled through pictures of people who have made this commitment before me, and well, honestly it looks like a BLAST (and they have lived to tell about it :)

If you know me at all, you know I am up for a good challenge, both to myself and to others (There, I publicly admitted that I am competitive :)!

And I love the chance to do something outside in the cold, especially with my family!  Okay, these are the excited part!!!!!!

Yet, what if I am not ready? What if I fail? What if it is too hard? What if I trip? What if I forget the camera? What if everyone laughs at my DORKY new Christmas present?  These are the scared parts.....

But, I am going to make the investment....financially, mentally, physically!!!!

The only hint I can give until I make the announcement publicly is.....