a picture worth a thousand words

I intended to leave my thoughts simply with a few words as my facebook status "It is so very easy to judge, to say what you would or wouldn't do; I'm sure some decisions may surprise other people, but until you find yourself in the exact same position, you truly have no idea!" 


Sorry, I just can't seem to let it stop there. 


The famous Duggar family, suffered a 2nd trimester miscarriage last week. The world is outraged and looking at everything this couple does as a publicity stunt. (you can read the story here)


While I do not advocate for anyone having 20 children, it is not my place to judge a family that loves and provides, without the assistance of government help, for their family. 

Your personal feelings aside on what this woman may be doing to her body, the footprint they are leaving on our environment, etc, etc. You can not deny the pain this family is experiencing in the loss of their last child!


I. WEEP. FOR. AND. WITH. THEM. 

and yes, as crazy as this may sound to you, I AM JEALOUS OF THEM.


They are the parents of a precious angel. A perfect child that shall forever watch over them and love them from heaven, resting safely in the arms of our Lord. 


So am I! 


This isn't a blessing, (and yes it is a blessing) that I would wish to any parent.




My circumstances in having my baby in heaven is slightly different than the Duggars, but no less special.


So, why you ask am I jealous? 


Because they have pictures!!!!


Yes, many people the world over are outraged and disgusted by the audacity and seemingly senselessness of Michelle Duggar and family to hand out pictures of their stillborn preterm child. 


I have never seen a more tasteful, beautiful picture in all my life!


I completely commend this family and the photographers from nowilaymedowntosleep.org for the beauty they have shown in this sweet pictures. 


I am jealous that the Duggars have a visual reminder, beautiful enough to display to the world of their angel in heaven. I am jealous that in the face of tragedy, they had time to think and prepare for a precious way to remember their angel.


You see when "tragedy" strikes, we are often left with no time to prepare. I am incredibly blessed to have had 3 hours with my precious sweet baby Andrew before he passed away, but I have blogged before, that my ONLY regret surrounding his life and death here on earth, is that I have no pictures fit for displaying. Yes, I have a picture, but it is not one I can show the world. Through a mother's eyes, I can look at his picture, a baby with such little, perfect features, and smile at how the sheer beauty and perfection God alone can create. However, most people can not look at his picture through my eyes. Yes, he was perfect, every finger and toe perfectly formed...a cute button noise, a head of black hair, a tiny, wrinkly little tummy...beautiful, long arms and legs. Perfection in its truest form! Yet, knowing this picture was taken, after he went home to be with Jesus, makes it impossible for most people to look at. I have yet to show my children here on earth, although they know and talk about their brother in heaven frequently, because well, they are simply not mature and understanding enough to appreciate and value the beauty of his picture.


Had I the time to prepare, as the Duggars did, I would have made certain to take pictures of my precious angel. Pictures of him wrapped up, snuggled in my arms, pictures of his daddy kissing his forehead, pictures of his grandparents looking at him in wonderful amazement, pictures of the priest baptizing him, pictures of mommy's tears falling on his gentle cheeks.


Yes, I would have taken pictures, yes, I would still to this day have them displayed proudly in my home. Yes, pictures to show my children of their brother.


I fully support the tastefulness, love and heartbreak in which the Duggars chose to have pictures taken to show their angel to the world, to hang on the wall of their home, to have the visual reminder, when time fads the memory, of the beauty and love they have known through their precious child, Jubilee.


May the Duggars continue to find peace in the knowledge that their sweet girl is with her heavenly father! 


HUGS!

Happy Birthday Twins

I said from the time you both born that God must love me more than anyone else because he gave me twins..

I still feel that way today...4 exciting, challenging, loving, wonderful years later....

Pictures from the days when you weren't so active and I could take them!!!!




33.5 weeks pregnant



delivery day

Here we are



Even the NICU can't keep us apart




1st birthday




twin time with daddy




happy 1st birthday




sand...water....life is great




hehehe




we love chocolate cake




baby bath time




cute baby bottoms




AWWWWW




sleeping buddies




still close




goobers





just because I love this pic





my favorite JJ face



cuties



A funchaos requirement....dancing in the rain



All 4 of my sweet babies



Thank you for 4 great years!!!!! I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH!

Kindergarten

Is it honestly possible that today Amazing Girl truly branched out on her own for the first time? How did my first baby girl get old enough to go to "real" school? WOW!!!!

I thought for sure I wouldn't be as upset, cry as much as I did when Adam went... I didn't even wait until we left the house to get teary eyed!

I thought for sure she would have no problems making friends...she has a new friend already...a boy!

I thought for sure she would love everything about school...she doesn't like rest time!

I thought for sure she would miss me...I just didn't realize how much we would all miss her....

I love you amazing girl and am so incredibly proud to be your mommy!

Choo choo

It seems that the last few months, we have fallen off track. There are various excuses and reasons for this. But, needless to say, I feel like a train that is chugging along aimlessly through the woods and hitting a tree is inevitable.

So... the train conductors of Insane Chaos, formerly known as funachaosx4, have decided that we are steering our way into the nearest station.

We are overhauling this train... new paint, new assignments, new destinations, new expectations. We are rebuilding this train for maximum efficiency, cohesiveness, and fun.

We are expecting there to be setbacks, area's of tracks that need some fixing along the way, but watch out world because when we are fully functioning, after all improvements...Funchaosx4 will be back and better than ever!

A little humor...

What do you get when you mix 4 kids, 2 colds, 1 van, 5 suitcases, lots of food, blankets, pillows, 2 parents and thousands of miles??? Bravery marries insanity and they do NOT give birth to patience, I promise! At 7, 4, 2 and 2, the kids are actually doing great with being strapped into the car for hours on end! As we drive through the hills of KY I am reminded again of how blessed I am in life! Isn't it funny how sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone, put ourselves into crazy positions to see the beauty in our lives? I have a husband who is beyond compare! He makes me laugh, smile, cry. He is my best friend, lover. We are blessed he has an awesome job that he loves and that allow us to travel. We have 4 patient, funny, cute, smart children. They all have their own personalities, each one as cute and funny as the other, yet they are all such a great mixture of the 2 of us! We have the best friends and acquaintances in the world. Together and separate, they are people we can turn to for laughs, fun, help or an ear when and if we need to. There isn't one that doesn't bring something into our lives. Thankfully, I have a Lord who has provided all of this and more, for me, just for me! Like anyone in life, I could find many things to complain about, things I wish I could change, things I want. But, there is so much more to be thankful and happy for! So, while bravery and insanity may never produce patience, they have produced thankfulness, fun and great memories!

In a pickle.......

As any good cook, baker, barista, canner, or pickler knows, you have to have a secret ingredient in your recipe to make it unique and uber-delicious. Here's mine.

Pickles (from both cucumbers or squash)
1. Start out with an abundance of vegetable
2. Heat some pickling spice, vinegar, dill, garlic
3. heat jars, either with a canner or the old fashioned way
4. combine ingredients
5. seal, allow to sit on shelf and "pickle" for 4 - 6 weeks
6. open, enjoy!

Strawberry preserves
1. start with fresh picked (washed) strawberries
2. cook mashed berries with pectin, sugar
3. heat jars
4. pour cooked preserves into jar
5. seal
6. when ready, open and enjoy

Blueberry syrup
1. begin with fresh picked, washed, mashed, ripe blueberries
2. cook syrup ingredients, sugar, water lemon juice, high tech stuff here....
3. cook blueberry ingredients, blueberries and water, imagine
4. drain blueberry ingredients through a cheesecloth (impressed aren't ya?)
5. combine ingredients, cook
6. heat jars
7. pour syrup into jars, seal.
8. when ready to use, open and enjoy.

Really, these recipes are nothing special, there are no secret ingredients here, you can find them on the Internet.....So, what makes my so special you ask? Here goes...........................

For picking, taste testing and general helping.............




For growing, having a green thumb, loving it and just plain being way too cute.......
and the big guns who helps with all of it, the growing, picking, canning, taste testing, recipe ad libbing, cheeseclothing, clean-up and encouraging.........................


You guys are the greatest.............I am proud to be your mommy and wife! I love you......

p.s. if the final products don't taste great, well, they helped with that too :)

Eeeekkkkkkk

For a brief moment, my world is perfect. I. Am. Blogging.

A month. Has anyone noticed it has been a month since my last blog? I have. There are so many un-posted entries that have run through my head. So many funny stories unshared. So many thoughts, dreams, ideas kept to myself. So many chores, demands that have kept me from one of my true loves. Writing.

I am back. Feeling rusty. Cloudy. Too many thoughts fighting to get out. So, for now, to take it slowly, catch you up and well just share here are the top 10 reason's (either in pictures or words) (in no particular order) why I have longed daily for but have invidiously been unable to blog!

Enjoy! And yes, I realize that this is why I may never be uber-popular. You can't become a household name if you are a hermit............

Reason #1 - this handsome man, aka, Mr. Producer, took some vacation time... who can blog when they are blessed with a week of husbandly help, love, fun and remodeling......

Reason #2 - twin terrible, err, tremendous 2's.... more will be written on this topic I am sure...

Reason #3 - strawberry picking... taste testing....

.....countless quarts of strawberries, 20 pounds of sugar and 34 jars of preserves later.........

Reason #4 - much needed relaxing time spent with BFF, her goofy hubby and sweet baby girl....really need to do this more often.....our 5:30am wake up calls are far from relaxing ;).....

#5 - watching my precious kids act like kids....and joining in.........

#6 - watching the boy and his arm and wondering what the future holds....... man he's good.....

#7 - conquering jungle gyms, swinging..........

.....Easter egg hunts..........

.......... and cake, of course.........

#8 - and perhaps the biggest reason of all - remodeling (I know, I know, this would make more sense with a before picture...... different camera, computer......anyway just trust me.....this was TONS of work)

#9 - Strawberry picking again, with out of state family......................

#10 - just plain having fun, being silly, loving life and letting our hair down, or up, or out....whatever................ it was fun!

I hope you enjoyed my month in review. I promise I will never leave you again for this long, but when you look at these beautiful faces above, can you blame me? Ok, can you at least forgive me?