happily sad

It's the end of the school year. A time I usually look forward to, being the mom that loves having her babies home for the summer in spite of or perhaps because they drive me crazy. I like knowing what they are doing all day, hearing their laughter, watching them learn, explore, grow and play. I know this time with them is limited. The chance to just be a kid, to have no where to be at a certain time every time, to play in the rain, to enjoy life. I know the opportunities to do these things with them goes away with every passing day as they grow. I know that some day, they will want more than the simple pleasures of riding their bikes all morning, taking a nap, relaxing in front of the TV, and playing in a 2 foot pool. So, with warm weather and ample trips to the beach, summer brings with it the chance for even mommy to be a kid again. A chance for me to slow down and enjoy life in its simplest, innocent form, to look forward to a rain storm just for the chance to play in it.

I have always loved the elementary school my kids have gone to. They, and I, have made some wonderful friends, some great memories and fantastic opportunities. I am blessed they are part of many activities within their schools, that they are accepted and loved for who they are, that they are encouraged to grow and learn.

Today, the last day that my kids will go to their elementary school is met with sadness that overshadows the happy of them starting summer vacation.

The choice to withdraw them from their current school was not one I made lightly. It wasn't an easy decision, it is one that I prayed over. The choice to withdraw them from a place that has been loving and accepting was done only with the best intent for their future.

For as much as I love their school, the very school system within they attend and I work, leaves something to be desired.

It is this desire that led me to withdraw them from their school and place enroll them starting next year in a new school. Yes, this new school is in the same system, however, it is a charter school. A charter school differs from a public school in the fact that a charter school is more directly parentally involved, students have to apply and be chosen to attend, their discipline is stricter. They are a public school, with accountability reported to the stater and funding provided by the state in addition to local businesses. They are much like a non religious private school but without the tuition.

If I only had 1 child I may never have pulled them out of their currently elementary school but when you take in to account all 4 personalities, this was the right choice for all of them.

But, even knowing you made what you think is the right choice, is still hard sometimes. I walked away from the kids school today with tears on my face and a sadness in my heart. I will desperately miss some of the people at their school. I know the kids will miss many friends they have made. We will all miss people that have impacted all our lives. Yes, some of these people we will remain life long friends with. Some of the friends we have made are even transferring school with us. But some people, current friends, will fade away with the passing of time, looked back on lovingly as people that have made a difference in our lives.

I understand that throughout our lives we will always have friends come and go, this is a lesson kids learn young on the playground. Sometimes it is even necessary and desired to allow some friends to fade from our lives. But, I hope those friends that fade away with time, know how special they were and are. Just as I hope the kids and their former school know that there is no place else I would have wanted as our 1st school experience and I look back on our 4 years there with great pride and wonderful happy memories!!!

Now, bring on the rain, naps, late nights, no schedule, sleeping late, ice cream eating, beach and pool playing days of summer :)

Mini-mommy

The other night, after Mr. Producer and I ran a 10K, we were talking with the fab 4 about running. We asked Little Man if he would run a 5K with us and of course he responded with a "yes" and the "well duh" look (you know, since he has run a 1 mile race and placed 20th :)

We then turned to Amazing Girl, who at almost 6 just gets more amazing everyday, (but I'll save that for her birthday blog in a couple weeks) and asked if she thought she could run a 5K. Here is the conversation, with included hand gestures.

Mr. Producer: Amazing girl (because you know I refer to my kids in real life with their virtual name :) do you think you could run a 5K

Amazing girl: Of course.......shrugs, well, how far is that?

Me: Probably from here to Nana's

Amazing girl: That's not far (insert look of "Mommy/daddy you are such silly creatures)

Mr. Producer: So, you think you could do it?

Amazing girl: (Hands open in the air about shoulder height and big smile yet total seriousness on her face) Uh ya, I am a mini mommy you know!

Me: LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH

Amazing girl: runs over and gives mommy kisses!!!!!! :)

Man I love that girl. Her natural humor and beauty and sweetness brighten my day!

So, laying in bed later that night, unable to sleep as usual, I began to think of my Amazing Girl. Her comment that she is a mini-mommy, while complimentary and flattering was also terrifying and thought provoking. A couple weeks back, she was in the local paper as student of the week. The last question the interviewer asked was what she wanted to be when she grew up? Without any hesitation at all, her response was......a mommy. As a parent, you are aware daily that your children watch you, this is no secret or mystery. But all these mommy comments from Amazing Girl led me to lay there and reflect upon the mommy traits that I am instilling in her ever present watchful eyes.

Am I the mommy I want my daughters to grow up and be? N.O.!!!!!!!!

In the dark, the images flash through my head, of all the times I have been undeservedly short tempered with my babies. All the moments I have put them on hold for reasons so very unimportant. All the moments I may have missed where their behavior is screaming out for a hug and kiss and attention.

Oh mini-mommy, I do so hope you grow up and become a mommy.....I hope you learn well and watch from me only the good things. Yet, I know that you won't. I know that you will see the times, where in my human state, I leave much to be desired. I know you will witness the times of my deepest imperfections, I know you will see me falter and fail, you will see me cry in frustration, you will hear me raise my voice in anger, you will see me exhausted and in need of a mommy time out, you will see me rashly dole out a punishment, you will God willing, watch me make mistakes.

Yet throughout these imperfections and human errors, I hope your ever vigilant eyes see so much more. I hope they witness me apologize, which should be more often I am certain. I hope you see more the tears I cry of joy that God choose me to raise you four. I hope you hear more laughter than reprimand, more kindness than hostility, more laughter than exhaustion. I hope you notice many many many more hugs and kisses than spankings. I hope you see the pride in my eyes at the joyful child you are. I hope you notice the wonder of amazement as I marvel at the person you are. I hope, dear mini-mommy that you notice mostly the love.

For through the exhaustion, the bad moods, the errors, there is so much more love than you will ever know until you hold your own child in your arms.

Until the day, you become a full blown mommy, I hope you know, understand and accept that your mommy is completely imperfect, has no guide book, makes constant mistakes, yet is so very thankful everyday that she is privileged enough to be called mommy by you!

I love you completely, totally, without condition my beautiful, wonderful Mini-mommy Amazing Girl!

what I learned for $1500 please Alex......

If you know me well, you know that I often take on too much,  that I have come to live by the motto, go big or go home and that I am a recovering OCD perfectionist.

Yep, you read that right..... recovering.....

It seems all these years that I was suffering from being an OCD perfectionist.

Well, I finally got help for that.

I am no longer quite OCD or suffering from it.

I have accepted the fact that I am OCD and I have further accepted the fact, that the world is not going to come to a screeching, ending halt, if everything isn't perfect!

Yes, this bit of wisdom was shocking to me as well.

My recovery process was easy, so easy in fact that I almost didn't notice it taking place.

What you ask, aided in my recovery?

WORK AND GRAD SCHOOL!

You see when I decided to go back to school, I arrogantly thought it would not impact my life that much. I would only be giving up the hours I spent at night watching TV....I thought! When I decided to go back to work, albeit part time, I thought it would serve as dual function to make extra money and have time to do homework (because we all know a substitute is a glorified babysitter :)

I THOUGHT WRONG!!

Somewhere over the course of the last 4 months, I learned a whole lot more than just linguistics, vocabulary and webquest. I learned......

I ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay, not true...not even a little.

But I did learn how to juggle. I learned to ask for help and actually accept it. I learned that I can live on little sleep. I learned that I MUST HAVE COFFEE! I learned that I am stronger than I thought, that I am more organized than I thought, that I am a bigger nerd than I thought! I learned that everyone needs a schedule, but that too can be changed, forgotten and mended as needed. I learned that what truly does look like complete and total utter chaos on the outside, makes perfect sense to me, but I also learned that it making sense to me isn't enough....It has to make sense to the people in my life! I learned that my house is not ever going to be clean as long as I am in school and guess what.....it's okay (ok, maybe I am still convincing myself of this one :) I learned that my kids aren't going to be malnourished if I make them macaroni and cheese with a fruit or vegetable for dinner (come on now, you knew I would still HAVE to give them a fruit or vegetable) and in fact, they actually LOVE it and want it more often. I learned that guilt is equal parts over-rated and equal parts necessary. I learned that I could actually live without watching TV but probably (most definitely) not facebook. I learned that I love driving on the interstate for an hour with the windows down and the music loud (ok, maybe I always knew that). I learned every classroom in the world is kept at freezing cold sub zero temperatures....seriously people... is there really a need for this? I learned that I do love to read, but really, 3 books on the exact same subject may be a bit much. I learned how to enjoy my time with the kiddo's more and sneak in minutes with them, that I may have otherwise passed up. I learned that I NEED time to be just Tracy...not mommy, not Mr. Producer's wife, not my parents daughter, or even my friends friend...and I learned NOT to feel guilty about this. I learned that I need an ipad, yep, need :) I learned that the kids, the animals and even Mr. Producer won't starve, will pitch out when absolutely necessary and they do notice when I am gone and are happy to see me when I return. I learned that my mom is truly the best editor in the world, I learned that my OCD perfectionistic ways could be squelched a little, I learned that I MISS THE GYM AND RUNNING. I learned that I have to leave myself sticky notes to remember to do the checkbook. But, most important....I learned that I am surrounded by some of the most supportive, funny, best friends and family in the whole wide world!

I learned that even though I take on too much and am perfect at nothing, I am pretty decent at quite a few things, juggling and going big are a couple of them!!!!

Now, I have to go look up the definition of a mop, see if I still have 4 children (that is how many I am suppose to have, right?) and answer the demanding shrill of the checkbook and the fervent plea of the gym!

Jesus...where are you?

For Easter a couple years ago, the dollar store had action figures plastic figurines of  various Bible characters, Jesus being on of them. Needless to say, the Easter Bunny thought they would be the perfect additions to the kids Easter basket. I only remember that Little Momma specifically got Jesus. For a long time she would say, and we would grin, "Where's Jesus? I lost my Jesus!" Jesus went everywhere with us and even slept in bed with Little Momma. After a while, Jesus was occassionally left beyond, never forgotten but not played with as often. Anyway, Jesus has made his was into the bathroom, where the kids frequently baptise him.

Tonight (I may have forgotten to let the water out of the tub) after bathtime, Little Momma goes into the bathroom, where I have just pulled the plug on the bathtub and comes out and asks about Jesus....This is the transcript of the conversation:

LM: Mom, where's my Jesus, I don't see him in the bathtub?
Me: Becca, I am sure he is there, let's go check
Walking into the bathroom, me grinning
I start to sort through the myriad of toys in the tub.
Me: LM, I can't find Jesus.
LM: But I need him, he's losed.
Me: Sweetie, Jesus is white and there are still a lot of bubbles in the tub, I can't find him.
LM: But I have to have my Jesus
Me: Honey, we will find Jesus tomorrow
LM: I want him tonight.
Me: I can't find him tonight, I am sure he is in the tub toy holder somewhere.
LM: But you will find him tomorrow, right?
Me: Yes, honey I will find Jesus tomorrow.
LM: Promise?
Me: Yes
LM: Okay, we will both be so happy when you find Jesus tomorrow

Out of the mouth of babes!!!!!!! I love her and her love for Jesus and hope that as she grows, she continues to search for Jesus and love him, the real Jesus, as much as she loves her Jesus today!!!

about to offend some of you I fear

If you know me at all, you know that I try VERY hard to not be judgemental. This doesn't mean that I never am! Believe me!!!! I have opinions, just like the rest of you! However, I have learned in life, that the things I have always said I would never do, I probably have. The situations I swore I would never be in, I have. The thoughts and idea's I said I would never believe, I have or may. I just find that it is not my place to judge. I am not qualified to say why a person is where they are, what they should do about it. I have thankfully, never been called for jury duty! I am no one's judge. I leave that to a higher power. Someday we will all be judged by someone who knows every breath we have every taken. Until then, it is simply my place to either accept you for who you are or politely decline to have you in my life.

I didn't always feel this way. The "power" of youth giving me free luxury to think I owned the world and had the right to dispel my thoughts, beliefs and idea's on those around me. Like most "kids" I thought I knew the answer to all the problems in the world, why they were there and how to solve them.

Then, thankfully,  I grew up and realized how dreadfully wrong I was.

With all this being said....I have watched my facebook status' updates from various friends and family fill up with various opinions on the tragedy that took place close to home today.

I have seen compassion, sympathy and yep, hatred.

Soapbox level 1........Now, let me stop right here and say..... One of my absolute closest friends is a cop. Additionally, I have many other friends who have spouses that are also in or want to be in Law Enforcement in some fashion. So let me tell you, I am grateful each day of my life for the job they do! It is certainly not a profession that you get into without realizing the risks and not one that any of them choose lightly to be sure. And definitely not one that I would chose (I'm afraid of getting hurt or being yelled at ;)

I am beyond saddened for the families left behind of the fallen police officers today. They are hero's!

Yes, THEY ARE HERO'S! I recognize, understand and accept that it is their job. They took an oath to serve and protect ordinary people with the risk and understanding that some day their badge number could be retired WAY to early. I understand that when they kiss their spouses and kids goodbye or hang up the phone with a friend, that in the blink of an eye, an ordinary night could become their last! They do, on some level, have routine nights and jobs. I also know, that they choose this profession, again, knowing the risks. So, before you say, well they are not really hero's...its part of their job....Let me say this.....EVERY job has risks!!!!! If you think they don't you are wrong! A secretary, while unlikely, could not come home from work at night because someone unbalanced came into their work place full of anger. A routine factory worker could be at the wrong place when a piece of equipment malfunctions. A teacher or teaching assistant could walk into a classroom (unaware) with a student already fueled by anger and in a millisecond have a student holding her by the throat with a pair of scissors at her neck (yep, true story and it did happen to me). A nurse, even with precautions could get poked by the very needle they just used in an HIV patient. Even Mr. Producer has risks with all the airplanes and helicopters he flies in. So make NO MISTAKE....every job has risks. A police officer, fireman, nurse, whatever, know and accept those risks. Yet they can not and do not dwell on them. They do not (usually) choose their profession or deny what they have been called to do because of those risks. They are just people like you and I doing a job they love! With what is usually the very rare chance that something may actually happen to them. The same with their families. It is a risk to be the spouse of someone, regardless of their job! It is a part of loving and accepting a person for who they are AND what they do!!!!!

What happened today, with the death of 2 law enforcement officers, injury of another and subsequent death of the convicted felon in question....is terrible!!!!!! I do NOT condone death! It will always leave families without a precious person in their life!

With soapbox level 1 you should have guessed how saddened I am by the death of these officers!

Soapbox level 2...... As despicable as the convicted felon in question is, and believe me, he had done some things that are beyond imaginable and almost unforgivable, he was still a human being.

***NOW PLEASE KEEP READING BEFORE YOU SEND ME HATE MAIL OR QUIT READING***

I can not find sympathy in me for the death of this man, in and of this man himself. But, let us remember, that this man was someones son, husband, friend. Yes, you could question the parenting that lead him to become the person he was, or you could simply accept that many serial killers were raised in great homes, with loving parents and that we ALL choose the decisions we make!!!!! Yes, you could questions the type of person that would marry or befriend such an individual or you could simply say that, you would politely decline to accept a person who makes those types of decisions in YOUR life.

Again, please understand, I do not condone what this man did. I find most decisions he has made in his life deplorable and beyond my understanding. Yet, he was a person.

Furthermore, I will admit, that while I do not condone death or killing, I am thankful that my tax dollars will not be used to defend and provide for this man that would have died anyway, perhaps years later in prison. I am thankful, that the families of the fallen officers have closure and do not have to sit through months and years of heartbreaking trial. I am not saddened that this man has gone to his eternal resting place.

Soap box 3.... I am however, saddened by the hatred that some have spread today. A few people that I know posted things that were hateful and 1 of them even sent me a beautiful email of apology BEFORE they knew I was going to get on my soapbox,, just simply because they felt bad by saying things they did not believe in and knew that I didn't believe in! (You know who you are, and I was surprised by your email to me, yet proud to call you friend and family that you actually went out of your way to apologize, as I knew you did not have that kind of feelings within you in general).  I KNOW that a hateful situation often brings out hateful feelings in people. That is only human nature! I would be lying if I didn't admit to a moment of hatred myself for what this felon did today and the lives and families he tore apart. Yet, PLEASE stop for a moment friends and family and realize that when you verbally share those feelings of hatred, with even your spouse, let alone a whole public social forum, then you are A) spreading and encouraging those thoughts of hatred and B) giving the person who stirred the hatred more recognition and glamour than they should ever have.
Please think for a moment, that every war, every murder, every hurt, every bombing has been caused by hatred. Granted, your simple rambling on a page where only 100 or so people can read it, all that share your same views mostly, probably won't start a war or bombing or murder....BUT all of these things do have something in common. Of course, you will hate the situation, most people would and do. And yes, you may hate the person that caused it.....yet, sharing the hate only encourages it....some feelings may just be better left in your own head and heart!

side note..... one of the greatest mysteries to me is how people who do not believe in abortion can justify blowing up the clinic thus killing everyone inside??!!!!!!

So, I hope that all my friends, while saddened and maybe even hateful of today's event, don't continue to encourage the hatred by sharing it with others!!!!!

Soapbox out........

To all LEO the world over, thank you! To all my friends and family, I love you! To the families of the fallen officers involved in today's tragedy, my deepest sympathize, prayers and thoughts!

To all my readers, you know I do not "soapbox" often. I typically try to stay more on the light hearted side of life in my blog. If this has offended you and you are politely declining to be a part of my life any longer, I am sorry but I understand and accept your decision!!!!! If you accept me for who I am but don't share my same opinions, I respect that and won't judge you!!! I can agree to disagree!!!!

my rule

I only have 1 rule as a teacher, whether it was my own classroom or subbing....1 rule that I live by....

I will give you the same respect you give me.

The kids "get it" and usually, they are respectful and I rarely have problems.

I often feel like I have this rule in my day to day life. Whether, in my interactions with students, friends, strangers or family, it seems this rule follows me and I see it in my children (yikes!)

Yet, today as I was standing in the kitchen.... (really I don't know why I have other rooms in my house as I seem to rarely get out of the kitchen) I realized that my 1 rule in life has a major flaw.

I don't really want to disrespect people. It's just not typically in my nature. Yes, I do have times where I am mean or short tempered (shocking I know ;) or rude. But really, I don't want to be and always feel bad later.

So, with that being said.....I now have a new rule. Really, it isn't my rule. I didn't make it up, just changing the wording a little. It is the same rule I want my children to inherit, adopt and live by....daily!

I will give you the same respect I WANT you to give me!

Ouch....the wording is pretty similar between the "old" rule and the "new" one, yet the understanding and connotation so different.

It is easy to snap at those we love, trust and know will always be there. Yet, each time we do, the damage, although usually unnoticeable, is done.

So....peeps, please accept my apology for ever treating you poorly before. I know that I will have many other opportunities in my life to apologize, as I am only human and WILL most certainly falter....

But from this day forward, please know that my new years lifetime goal is to ....always treat you with the same respect I want you to treat me with.

Will everyone I know treat me with that respect all the time for the rest of my God given life? NO WAY!!!!!! But, I am vowing to diligently try to not let others disrespect cause me to be the same in return.

And a challenge, for all my avid readers....... Try it for a day.

They say you need to be the change you want to see in others..... so the challenge is yours....take it if you want....I won't be offended or disrespectful if you don't!!!!

But, please keep in mind, that I am pretty sarcastic and smart-assey by nature, with the intent of being funny and not disrespectful.....so please, if you think I am being disrespectful....call me out on it. If you know me at all, you know I will and do say I am sorry and mean it!!!!!!

Love ya all!!!!

I quit

Dear chaosx4 family,

Please accept this letter of resignation dated today, January 17, 2011.

Effective immediately, I am tendering my resignation as your maid, referee, taxi, laundress and yep, even cook.

I hereby delegate my duties to anyone willing to overtake them. Should no one apply for this position, as shocking as that would be, I declare you old enough to be the supervisors of said jobs yourself.

It has taken me many years to accept that perhaps I am no longer fit or was ever really qualified for this position.

To anyone looking to accept this position in my absence, please be aware that the hours are long, there is no salary, very limited benefits and rare gratitude's of thanks.

You will need to begin immediately, and even when you think the day is done, one of them are bound to need you in some capacity even in the middle of the night. They will need you to be willing to wash about 8 loads of laundry a week, prepare 3 meals a day and 2 snacks, transport them to fun events, school and church. Referring will be a HUGE portion of your day. There will be many he said/she said/he did/she did rumors through out the day, that can be taxing to even the most patient of people. You will be required to remember where shoes, clothes, toys and even homework you did not wear, see, touch or do have been left and to find said items as you are walking out the door, in the rain, with no coffee. In addition to no salary, you will always have to have immediate cash on hand for borrowed lunch money for milk and ice cream, in spite of the fact that you did pack them a lunch. You will also be asked numerous times for candy, gum and other unmentionables they know full well they may not have. You will no longer engage in conversation, but rather your vocabulary will consist of simple questions, such as: was that kind? Do you need to use the restroom? Where is your brother or sister? Has anyone let the dog out to go potty? Who drew on the wall? do you have and where is your homework, agenda, planner? Could someone please help so and so? Do you need a spanking? Are you listening and did you hear me?

I will continue to reside in the residence of employment and will be willing to answer any questions you may have. However, you can easily ask your employees as at ages 9, 5, and almost 4, they seem to know and have the answers to everything.

It is with my deepest regret that I have to hand in this resignation. I have tried my hardest day after day to be more than just an average executive. I have provided ample time for play, for extracurricular activities, for learning, for discipline, for giving and most certainly for loving. I have taxied the employees in question to numerous parties, sporting events, school functions, play dates and church services.

I have tried to instill good values, polite manners and a love of humanity in them. I have tried numerous times to show them the beauty in being quiet.

Please be advised though that these are hard employees to teach and train, an attribute that they may find useful later in life, but difficult to deal with as they are growing (between you and I , I am pretty sure they get this from their paternal side of the family ;)

I wish you all the best in your new endeavor and look forward to watching you with them in action.

Please understand that they are wonderful employees. They are cute with a great sense of humor. They can be very intuitive, understanding when you have reached your limit, they will often "step-up" and perform admirably. When they want to, they can be kind, helpful, loving almost angelic even. They are very lovable, they do say please and thank you often, even yes and no ma'am and sir. They have the cutest grins, they sing well, have I mentioned they are funny? No, actually they are hilarious. They will make you laugh often and much!!!! They also give THE BEST hugs and kisses and cuddles.........................................

On second thought....they may be sloppy, they may not appreciate folded laundry or clean dishes, but what they lack in those departments, they make up for in love.....................

So, sorry to disappoint any applicants rushing to the door to take over my unpaid, sometimes unappreciated executive position, but I have decided to recant my resignation!

goodbye 2010

The anticipation of a new year always brings out the "do better" in all of us. Everyone makes resolution based on things they want to improve...lose weight, work less, laugh more, etc. While these thoughts sound wonderful on Dec 30, 31, Jan 1 and maybe even 2nd. By the 3rd, usually we have all fallen back into the same routine. While this is never an intentional decision, it just happens. And truthfully, there is nothing wrong with that. Half of self improvement comes from recognizing our weakness and accepting them.
I personally always make resolutions and well just as consistently fail to follow through with them! Its ok, i still make them and laugh.
2010 brought many good memories, lots of times with friends and family. We had many visits from the tooth fairy, many gray hairs added in the process of being a football mom and parent of a very rambunctious, curious 3 yr old boy, lots of laughs from the animation, antics and attitudes of my sweet daughter...yes i can laugh at their attitudes because i know they get them from me and i can see how ridiculous i look :) All the fab 4 kids are in school. This is bittersweet for me to say the least. Everything about my kids growing and learning is bittersweet! 2010 also brought a busier schedule for Mr. Producer and a return to the work force for me. Our schedules are busy and crazy and there is no way we could do it without the help of awesome family and friends. We are truly blessed.....and havent lost a kid yet ;)
2011 will bring with it an increase in the craziness. The health freak in me is training for a half marathon which i will attempt to survive the end of February. The nerd in me has been itching for some time to do homework harder than 3rd grade spelling and math.....so off to college i go...again. like so many things in life i swore i would never do, i am returning to my alma mater. 2011 will not see me graduate from there, im saving that for 2013...hey i gotta have something to talk about then!
For all of you...2010 brought some changes and 2011 will bring many more...some good, some bad. But if you're reading this than the one constant has been you being a part of our chaos! And we are glad for that!
2010 was a great year. Not perhaps the best ever, but definitely a great one. However, i am ready to start anew, resolutions made with every attempt to forget them in 3 days...so bring on 2011.

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Weeds

I love having a garden. I love feeling the dirt beneath my fingers. Digging holes. Planning what vegetables i will grow. But my most favorite part is watching it grow. Daily you can see the difference in the sprouts. All it takes is a little TLC. But even with the TLC you have to watch carefully. In any garden, you will get weeds. They must be monitored and extracted quickly or they can take over your beautiful garden, destroying your crop and requiring much extra work to get your sweet vegetables right again.

It occurred to me tonight when I was watering my garden, that we, as humans, especially our children, are not much different.

We get our hands dirty, prepare, plan and plant our lives. We grow and change, sometimes daily. Somewhere along the way we autopilot our caring and watering. We watch a weed pop up and think we will get to it tomorrow when we have more time. And all too quickly, time passes and not only did we not extract our original weed, but now many more have joined it. Now we are faced with a choice. Do we take the time to clean up the mess, pull the weeds and throw them away or do we till our whole garden and start again.

We all have weeds. Some are very deep and others remain very close to the surface. Whether they are yesterdays unkind word or thought or perhaps an incident from years gone by, we all have something that holds us back from growing.

No one is immune. As much as I try to keep my garden of children carefully watered and very loved, I notice, they too have weeds. Thankfully, they are pretty much surface area weeds that are easy to pluck. But I know that if I do not pluck the weeds, ever careful to not accidentally destroy the blossoming vegetable, they will overtake my sweet tomatoes.

The same is true of any relationship that you have. Be it marriage, friendship, co-workers, family members. Are there weeds holding you back from growing? Something you can't let go of? An apology you need to make, a goof-up you can't seem to forget? A weed you accidentally plucked, that perhaps wasn't? Are you allowing weeds to grow within you that is stunting your ability to be a beautiful vegetable?

Gardening and life, certainly aren't easy. We all have weeds and we all pluck things we think are weeds only to later discover they were in fact, not!

I challenge you today, dear reader, to find a weed, either surface or deep, and pull it. Before you do, examine closely to make sure it is in fact a weed and not a wayward shoot-off of your plant.

Pick your plot, whether it is a spouse or friend or family member, all of which should love you unconditionally and accept and encourage your need to tend to your garden.

But today, no try to make it every day for 1 week, pull a weed. It can't hurt!!! It can only help your grow!

Confessions of a control freak

Ok, I admit it....I am a control freak!!!!!!

For most of you this comes as no surprise!!!!

Some of this post may best be shared with just Mr. Producer, but it's my blog and I control it :)

Honestly, I get my controlling nature from my mom! (Mom, I love you and get MANY other wonderful qualities from you as well).

I will if given the chance, or even if not really, try to control anything (I am after all a mom, isn't that what we do??) !!!!

I control what my kids wear. I control what we do. I even try to control what we do with friends most of the time. I control what we eat. I control bed times. I control our finances. I control the errands, the chores, the pets (ok, well maybe not so much the cat and chickens who has a mind of their own). I control who I want to talk to (and will continue to talk even if they don't want me to :) I control when we go to church (and when we don't). I control who I want to see and when. I control the discipline method. I control the garden. I think one of the reasons I love texting is because I can control when I talk to you and you can NOT control when you hear from me!!! I usually control what we order from other kids fundraisers!! Heck, I even control Little Man and Mr. Producer's facebook farms for the love of pete!!!

I have little tolerance it seems some days for people who can not equally control stuff!! But then get mad at those who take the control from me...hehehe

Is it really any wonder that I choose teaching as a profession??

Now, in my defense, I do NOT ever try to control things to be mean. Sometimes I do it to alleviate stress from other people, to make their lives easier! A lot of the times, I am controlling a situation or something and don't even realize it!!! It is just simply a part of my personality! Just as much as being social (yes, my school parent/teacher conferences always held that I was a great child, a good student academically, but I ALWAYS needed to work on not being so chatty!!!!) And as much as wanting to help other people...Again, no surprise to most of you!!!

I am a control freak but not a nazi. I control what my kids wear in the sense that I pick out 5 outfits for school that week, they get to pick which of the 5 they want to wear on what day(provided it matches)! I control what we eat for dinner, but give everyone a choice on their drinks. I control that they must take a bath, but don't control what they play with in the tub. I control when I sit on the couch and snuggle and watch TV with Mr. Producer and what we watch, but I don't control what he watches when I am not sitting there with him....although sometimes I would like to as I can only listen to so many Seinfeld reruns :)

I accept this as part of my character. I do not often look at this as a flaw. I take pride in having things turn out perfectly because I controlled them to be that way!

PRIDE COMETH BEFORE A FALL!

I no longer want control!!!!! Now that I have taken it all, I don't want it.

The problem with taking everything is that there is nothing left for anyone.
The problem with enjoying having everything is that you don't want to share.
The problem with not sharing is that you do eventually get tired.

To the fab 4 and Mr. Producer! I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!

I realize one of the reasons why Mr. Producer LOVES his job and loves to work is because there he has control!

I recognize there is always a need for control. Some things just require it. Even something as simple as getting together with friends, needs someone to lead the way, make the plans (but that someone needs to pay attention to what everyone else wants to do)

This last year, I have heard on more than one occasion that I have changed. For the most part, I want to yell no. But then, I have to admit....it is true!

I have realized this past year, that I AM DAMN TIRED!

I no longer want full control of everything and anything. I want people to make decisions sometimes for me and sometimes with me!

But I realize that means I have to let go of the control. And that scares me. What if the whole world falls apart?! (I know they wont though! Take my absence from decision making of a fundraiser purchase, well that turned out even better than OK!)

Yet, I am just at the point of tired enough, that I don't care if the world falls apart. I don't care if the kids live on McDonalds, if Little man doesn't do his homework, the list could go on and on!

This is where the change in me has come in! I have controlled my thoughts enough to not share them...Eeeeek!!!!

So I quit taking control of many things, and yes, it seems some things have fallen apart! What I didn't do though, was come forward to my team mate and say "hey honey...I am sorry I have taken such control, I want you to take some back, please let's work on this together." Oh no, the control freak in me, has just said, I am not doing this anymore and let it slide! Expecting someone else to take the reins they didn't even know were laying around!

So where am I going with this information? Why did I choose to share my private mess-up with the rest of the world? (aside from still wanting to be in some control ;)

Well, because I think most of you deserve an apology from me. For my friends whose time I completely monopolized, I am so sorry. Please know that I did it out of love for you and wanting to be with you! For the Fab 4...I am sorry babies but I am giving you some control back...it won't be easy, we will sink in the beginning. (please know when you see us in public and the kids may not match or their hair isn't brushed, well....they have control over that ;) As for Mr. Producer....most of my apology will have to take place out of the public realm...I do have enough control of myself to not share most of our dirty laundry ;) But, publicly, let me say...I am so sorry!!!!

To friends....If I don't text you, call you or ask to get together, please know that I still want to, just take some control and ask me!!

To my family...when I am starting to control a situation or something instead of just giving a reminder.....TELL ME GENTLY!

So, don't ask me what we are having for dinner tonight or what the kids are wearing tomorrow....they will have control!  It might be chocolate chips and soda and dorito's.....its ok, they will tire of that eventually. They may show up to school or church or football practice this evening in plaids and stripes....that too is ok, because well, they are just cute enough to pull it off!!!!

Psst.....I always maintain the right to control MY BLOG though!!!

I love all of my fellow control freaks.....you know who you are, whether you admit it or not, you DO know who you are. JUST ONCE, GIVE UP THE CONTROL! Just let the world know you are doing it so there are no surprises :)

and I am a perfectionist, but that is a confession for another day! :)

A pessimist

Even a pessimist can be happy!

Allowing your happiness to depend upon another human only sets you up to be disappointed. Find your own happiness within your self and depend on other people to enjoy it!

Life will not turn out the way you thought it would when you were a child, a teenager or a young adult...It will always be better!

Life is only as hard as you let it be! Even the difficult times can be easy with the right attitude!

You can have a bad day, week, month and still be happy.

Everyone has some blue times and grumpy days....it is how you are the other 300 days out of the year that determine your personality!!!!

You are as young or as old as you want to be. I may be 35 with 4 kids, but I still feel like I am a 17 year old (just with more responsibility)!

Life really is too short to be taken too serious! Resolve to do something fun and silly at least twice a month!

If you don't enjoy your life or what you do....keep searching until you do!

You are not an ostrich...everything in life grows upward...

No heels required

Registration complete....Entry fee paid....training started

Okay....here is the OFFICIAL announcement...............

I AM doing the Disney Princess Half Marathon run on Sunday February 27th 2011 at 6am!

I am so excited (and scared, did I mention that already?)

I had 2 best friends through middle school and half of high school...1 (AMY) I never lost touch with, the other (LISA), well a change of lifestyles got in the way and we sort of drifted apart....But, a few years later (hey, we aren't that old :) a certain awesome social network brought us back together.

Lisa currently lives on the East coast of Florida. With 7 kids and 4 additional pseudo-kids (who's age shall remain unnamed to protect the guilty, I mean innocent :) between us, let's just say we haven't had the chance to visit in person as of yet.

Through much talking, social networking and texting, we have discovered we have many things in common, aside from quirky sense's of humor. We discovered we both thoroughly enjoy running but don't have near enough time to do so.

Now, if you have followed my blog for any length of time, you know that I have lost a good deal of weight over the last year (39lbs to be exact). Well, sadly, I have put back on a couple of those pounds (grrrr....fine, 12 to be exact :p)...I have gotten lazy and developed a love of a certain frozen coffee concoction at a local fast food place, that is less than healthy to be sure...and well, anyway...............

So when Mr. Producer came home one day and casually mentioned a race sponsored by Disney, I checked into it. After perusing the website, my initial reaction was....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Who in the HECK am I kidding....I haven't run in a while, and even when I was running....um I NEVER ran the length of a half marathon or even half of a half marathon!!!

But an idea was forming....Semi-jokingly, I forwarded the information via email to Lisa. Then I texted her and said...."I sent you an email and all I can say is...wanna be team mates?" I think I was more hoping than not that she would say no!

Well, she didn't. She emphatically said YES!!!!!

So, in true Tracy OCD style, I began to plan! And the more I researched and thought truly about the distance of 13.1 miles, the more I began to FREAK OUT!!!!

But, I had already committed myself to Lisa and while I hadn't actually paid the (oh not so small) registration fee, I had given her my word. And well, she quickly went and bought a jogging stroller, so really how in the heck could I back out then???? (Thanks Lisa :)

So, the training has begun. To see our team name, training schedule, our stats (but you MAY NOT JUDGE), and/or to encourage us, go here.

Now if you know much about me, you know I am cheap...err, I mean, frugal! By God if I am going to pay the entry fee price, well then I am going to run.

So, with the fee paid, the team name picked, new head phones for ipod, new ipod songs being picked, a family vacation planned for that weekend and training started...Mommy is announcing to the world that I AM going to run the half marathon.

All the Disney characters are out on the race course to encourage you and provide you with breathing breaks, I mean photo opportunities! How cool is that? And according to pictures, you even get a tiara!!!

Please know that Lisa and I are NOT looking to "place" anything specific, we are just looking to finish with our pride and dignity in tact! We are hoping the weather is NOT to cold. We are definitely looking forward to the chance to finally see each other again. (I am not so looking forward to being the wearer of the dorky fanny pack to hold the camera for photo ops though :)

And lastly, we are looking forward to the chance to be a princess for a while, wear a tiara and thankful that there is a NO HEELS REQUIRED rule!!!

Feel free to visit our fan page and leave us encouragement....we're gonna need it! Otherwise, well, I am sure my blog posts and status updates will leave you more informed than you want to be.... :)

In case you are counting, we have 19.5 weeks left to train until race day!!!

Um, and seriously Disney, my only complaint is.....6AM?????  WTH!!!! This is Florida, in February....It won't be hot even if you started the race at 9AM.....just saying!!!!!!

Can you sweat in a Tiara?

Big announcement will follow within the week....but here is a teaser....

I am making a BIG commitment!

I am equal parts scared and excited.

I am jumping at the chance to get to visit and reconnect in person with an old friend....old as in how long we have known each other, not as in she is old!! (because we are the same age, if I said she was old, well....you get the point ;)

I have scrolled through pictures of people who have made this commitment before me, and well, honestly it looks like a BLAST (and they have lived to tell about it :)

If you know me at all, you know I am up for a good challenge, both to myself and to others (There, I publicly admitted that I am competitive :)!

And I love the chance to do something outside in the cold, especially with my family!  Okay, these are the excited part!!!!!!

Yet, what if I am not ready? What if I fail? What if it is too hard? What if I trip? What if I forget the camera? What if everyone laughs at my DORKY new Christmas present?  These are the scared parts.....

But, I am going to make the investment....financially, mentally, physically!!!!

The only hint I can give until I make the announcement publicly is.....
 IF YOU SWEAT IN A TIARA ARE YOU STILL A PRINCESS??!!

Blog hiatus...

This summer we, okay I, was on a sort of blog hiatus. Please don't be fooled into thinking that meant we had NOTHING to blog about! HA!!! Instead spin it around... we were so busy we had too much to blog about!

I could bore, I mean charm, you with my writing. But, why bother when pictures can do so much better!!

This summer we made time for.....


SIBLINGS
GAME PLAYING
SWIMMING

BIRTHDAY'S

SKATING
MUCH NEEDED SNUGGLING
SELF PORTRAITS (big necessity :)
dreaded, err, loved....SILLY BANDS
UM, GUESS WE FORGOT TO LEAVE TIME FOR CLEANING
FOOOOOOOOOOOOD
LOTS OF RAIN

no summer is complete without RAYS BALL
Ahhh some MOMMY & DADDY TIME

VACATIONS!!!!
FAMILY TIME

OH YEA...FUN TIME!!!!!
SLEEPOVERS
FRIENDS
MORE FRIENDS
AND SOME OF THE BEST FRIENDS

ADDICTIVE COMPUTER TIME
PRINCESS TIME

PUPPY LOVE
and the most fun time for some... WORKING WITH DADDY!

Ya, it has been a GREAT summer!!!!!! We have had lots of laughs, loves, sibling time, twin time, tickle time and snuggle with mommy time!!!

Now, that your caught up to speed.... prepare yourselves for more regular blog postings....

PLEASE CONTAIN YOURSELVES AND QUIET THE APPLAUSE, YOU'LL WAKE THE CHILDREN ;)

35

I remember my mom telling me once that 35 was one of the hardest years of a woman's life. And as usual, she was right :)

While I may not yet be 35, this has been the 35th year of my life.

There has been much self discovery this year. While I am a far cry from being the person I want to be, I have come to learn some truths this year.

I am still learning to admit my faults and say I am sorry more easily and quickly.

BUT....I have learned...

*You never stop discovering or learning about yourself.
*Being passive can be a good thing, but you also have to stick up for yourself, regardless of the consequences.
*Friendship is hard sometimes but well worth the work.
*Marriage may be harder than friendships, but it is even more worth it.
*Usually the simplest expressions of love are the ones that mean the most.
*I get a little more neurotic as I get older but a lot less judgmental.
*You can't always choose who you love, but you can always choose to love.
*We all do things we swore we never would and we can choose to quit doing things we are if we work hard enough at it.
*People will and do change and that those changes individually may not be for the best but when combined with the rest of what makes a person, they can and should be embraces.
*Not everyone will like and accept you the way you are, even people that once did.
*Life...love...parenting is challenging but the beauty and joy found within it truly do outweigh the challenge.
*True friends don't judge you even when they want to but instead are always there for you.
*I still need my parents as much as I did when I was a kid, but for entirely different reasons.
*Doing things for one's self does not make them a selfish person, but strengthens their character and the roles they are in in their life.

Perhaps though the biggest lessons I have learned is compassion, understanding and acceptance.

There are many miles I have left to walk in this world, God willing. There are many adversities and blessings I have yet to face. But it is my job as a person, child of God, wife, parent and friend to have compassion, understanding and acceptance for people whose situations (whatever they may be) are different than my own.

May the next 35 years bring me as much joy, lessons to learn and as many blessings as the last 35!

Friends

Growing up, I had the pleasure of watching my mom have a few close girlfriends. I didn't put much stock into these relationships until I got older.

In high school, I was not overly popular (I wasn't an outcast either, lol). I had a couple great friends, and a lot of acquaintances.

Today, I feel like the most blessed girl in the world! I am fortunate enough to have a lot of great friends, some wonderful acquaintances. Some friends it seems flow through out lives like the tide. There are times of extreme closeness and then other times where we just "check in".

There are a couple great friends that I could not complete my day without talking to. There are others that I chat with via IM or occasional texting.

Some of these great friends have been around a very long time (23years) and others a very short time (not even a year). Yet, I would consider them both great friends. I know that in any time of need, from a crisis to just needing to get my hair done, they are there to lend a hand.

There are a lot of people that do not need or want a lot of friends. While I do admit that friendship, like any relationship, takes work. I challenge you to find a great friend and tell me that the work is not worth the effort. For, like marriage, some of the best friendships in the world may take the most work!

I consider myself blessed and lucky for every friendship I have, be it male or female. Every one of my friends brings out a different side of me, every one of them has taught me something, every one of them make me a better person.

To all of my friends..... I LOVE YOU MAN!

Choo choo

It seems that the last few months, we have fallen off track. There are various excuses and reasons for this. But, needless to say, I feel like a train that is chugging along aimlessly through the woods and hitting a tree is inevitable.

So... the train conductors of Insane Chaos, formerly known as funachaosx4, have decided that we are steering our way into the nearest station.

We are overhauling this train... new paint, new assignments, new destinations, new expectations. We are rebuilding this train for maximum efficiency, cohesiveness, and fun.

We are expecting there to be setbacks, area's of tracks that need some fixing along the way, but watch out world because when we are fully functioning, after all improvements...Funchaosx4 will be back and better than ever!

Courtesy

****** DISCLAIMER... this is NOT directed at any of my family or friends. Do not feel pointed out or guilty (unless you are :) lol)) ******

This is a soapbox blog. I reserve the right to do this from time to time :) Its my chaos, my world, my blog, my right..... ;)

I have to question where common courtesy went.

I am going to sound like my grandparents when I say.... "I remember when..."

But, really, I do remember when people were courteous.

Where did that go and why?

Have we gotten so use to talking in text and IM that we have dehumanized and desensitized ourselves to the social politeness of caring people?

Sitting at Starbucks tonight having coffee with a friend, I observed a lady hold the door open for a couple that she was not with. Neither party in this said couple made an attempt to hold the door for each other in place of her. Furthermore, neither of the couple said thank you to this woman.

REALLY?

Was their time and energy so much more valuable than hers that they could not be bothered to remark on her kindness?

(before you comment and say, maybe they were deaf and unable to speak, they weren't!)

I have taught all 4 of the funchaos kids that they do not get anything without saying please and thank you! This is not negotiable. Yes, sometimes they need a gentle reminder, but for the most part, this is embedded into them! There is no negotiation on this!

Yet, I have witnessed on more than one occasional a fellow classmate or an occasional friend that routinely do not include these simple niceties in their day to day vocabulary.

Really, are we as a society not teaching out children the fundamental value that everyone deserves to be treated with politeness. Yes, everyone!

I am honest enough to admit that yes, I have had times where I have cut someone off in traffic because I was in a hurry or I have huffed at the person in line with 16 items in the express lane and yes, I have felt bad later for it!

I do not think my time, my energy or my words are any more important than yours!

Lately, I have become a texting addict. Now I know a couple people who for various reason's do not text.

I have to admit that I do frequently text in their presence. I don't really think about it being rude, but one such friend finds it very offensive. In their opinion, it feels like I am ignoring them to talk to someone else. At first I denied that fact, stating that I wasn't really "talking" with anyone else. Yet, the more I began to think about this the more I have to admit, they are right.

For me, texting comes with the same courtesies as any other form of conversation. That said, I absolutely hate when I am in the middle of a texting conversation and the other person disappears. Now, I realize we all get busy, we get carried away at work, we get called into a meeting, we have to break up a sibling squabble, change a diaper, whatever. BUT, I am talking about the total absolute none response from mid conversation, even a long time later, even enough to say, brb or gtg! To me this is the same as walking away in the middle of a person to person conversation!

Because I too have been guilty of this, I will admit it! If I have done this to you, I am terribly sorry, please forgive me!

Little man has begun to IM via fb. I have had to explain to him that even this form of communication requires him to be polite. Say thank you when someone asks how he is. Inquire how they are feeling in return. Say good bye when you are done talking. Yes, you are just punching letters on a keyboard, but there is a person on the other end of your keyboard. Even though you can't see them, they are there!

The other night I was driving home. It was dark and sort of late. There was a lost puppy running in the road. There was no thought involved on my part when I pulled over to help this puppy and I'm sure, its sad owner. I was happy to say that with me, 2 other cars pulled over to help.

A few months ago, I accidentally ran out of gas. I had the 3 little's in the car with me. It was the middle of the day, a very busy intersection. 4 lanes of traffic separated me and the gas station. I immediately put on my hazards. Embarrassed and crying, I called the closest person to me, my mom, to come to my rescue. Thankfully, she did. But in the meantime sitting there waiting for her to show up, I was passed by 3 police men and probably 200 other cars. The ONLY person to stop and ask if I needed help was a young girl, probably in her very early 20's. That's it, no one else. Not the men in work trucks, the police officer's who swore to protect and serve, the hundreds of other people so involved in their day, their worlds.

Now, I too have been guilty of passing by a person in need. Mostly this is done out of fear, I always have the kids with me. Yet, I have on more than one occasion stopped when I have witnessed an accident or rolled my window down and asked if someone needed help or me to make a phone call.

These simple acts do not make me a hero. They make me human. They make me compassionate. They remind me, my kids that everyone's life has value. That we are here to help each other, to be courteous!

There are so many little ways we can help each other, we can be polite and courteous, that it seems too easy. There are so many ways to be kind and compassionate that when we blatantly choose to overlook them, it seems that much more rude!

I pray daily that I continue to instill in my children this simple value.

When someone says hi, answer them. When someone opens the door for you, say thank you. When you ask for anything, anything at all, always say please and thank you when it is given. When you hurt someone either accidentally or on purpose, apologize. When you are conversing with someone, regardless of what method you are using, don't be rude and walk away. When someone says how are you, respond and ask how they are in return, whether you care or not isn't important. When you see someone in trouble offer to help them. When you don't want something, say no thank you! If you say you are going to do something, do it!

We are all busy, we are all important. Everyone has somewhere to be, someone to talk to. Everyone's time, energy, love is just as important as the next persons.

Be courteous!

Soapbox empty now.... If you've ready this far, thank you! If you have seen yourself in this post, I am sorry! If I have been un-courteous to you, I am deeply sorry! If you are compelled to say something, leave me a comment, but please be courteous :)

Greatness

I am a firm believer in the fact that some things in life can not be taught!

There was an article in the paper last week that talked about what makes a great teacher. This article quotes "States must try to identify great teachers, figure out how they got that way and then create more of them".

Really... Really?

UGH!

Why do we as a people think that we can analyze anything for its greatness and replicate that? What an incredibly arrogant thought.

Greatness is anything is not something that can be measured, observed, taught.

Greatness is a gift, something innate to you.

Greatness can be in many different area's. Whether you are great at your job, hobby, relationships or many area's, your area of greatness can be the same as other people you know, but it is still unique to you!

For example, Mr. Producer works with some incredibly gifted people in the area of running a camera, seeing a vision, getting a shot. 2 of the best people I know he works with have absolutely no formal training, no degree. However, he also works with people that have 2 degrees in that field and they are, well, not great!

I know some people that are great parents, even though they may have become a parent very young. Yet, we have other friends that well, are not great parents.

You can pick a profession, any profession, whether it is one that requires a degree or not and identify people that are great at it! They do not do their job for the money, for the recognition. They do their job, whether it is being a teacher, tv producer, car salesman, police officer, nurse, bank teller, parent because they like it.

Great teachers, like great anything else, can not be made.

People can be taught new things, they can be shown new improved ways, they can be encouraged, guided, helped. BUT, being great at something is ingrained in the very fiber of your soul, it is not something you can learn!

Anybody agree/disagree.... I'd love to hear your thoughts!

here goes....

As most of you know, I have really made it a concentrated effort to get healthy!

At the encouragement of some of you, I am coming clean with inches and weight lost... AND an embarrassing before picture!

I began to make getting healthy a top priority in August. I did this quietly, without any fan fare or forewarning to anyone! Nope, not even Mr. Producer knew! Having tried and quiet before, I didn't want to publicly (yep, even to my own husband) admit that it may happen again.

There is no secret diet I followed, no magic pill, no special new exercise. I did it the old fashioned way... I ate less, better and exercised more! I go without nothing. I still have a reese's peanut butter cup or chips or rice if I want it. But, I make up for it by doing without other stuff or by doing more cardio that day!

I am not going to break it down into individual body parts... here goes...

I have lost a total of 30lbs and 28" overall inches!!!! OH MY GOODNESS!
I still have days where I don't want to work out, where I want to eat nothing but junk food, where I think I am still the girl in the size 12/14 and am taken back by wearing a 6/8.

I am not perfect, I don't have the answers, I am not a professional! I am just a girl, on a journey, trying to lead by example! I still have 10 more pounds I want to lose, I want to be a definite size 6, but I can appreciate how far I have come. I can enjoy shopping. I can be proud of myself for sticking with eat, eating healthier and feeling better!


ugh....before

middle-ish

pretty recent

I am not looking for accolades, I am just sharing! Mel, you were my inspiration. Baby, you are my encourager. Thanks to all of you for your support and encouragement!!!! It helps, truly it does!