Jesus...where are you?

For Easter a couple years ago, the dollar store had action figures plastic figurines of  various Bible characters, Jesus being on of them. Needless to say, the Easter Bunny thought they would be the perfect additions to the kids Easter basket. I only remember that Little Momma specifically got Jesus. For a long time she would say, and we would grin, "Where's Jesus? I lost my Jesus!" Jesus went everywhere with us and even slept in bed with Little Momma. After a while, Jesus was occassionally left beyond, never forgotten but not played with as often. Anyway, Jesus has made his was into the bathroom, where the kids frequently baptise him.

Tonight (I may have forgotten to let the water out of the tub) after bathtime, Little Momma goes into the bathroom, where I have just pulled the plug on the bathtub and comes out and asks about Jesus....This is the transcript of the conversation:

LM: Mom, where's my Jesus, I don't see him in the bathtub?
Me: Becca, I am sure he is there, let's go check
Walking into the bathroom, me grinning
I start to sort through the myriad of toys in the tub.
Me: LM, I can't find Jesus.
LM: But I need him, he's losed.
Me: Sweetie, Jesus is white and there are still a lot of bubbles in the tub, I can't find him.
LM: But I have to have my Jesus
Me: Honey, we will find Jesus tomorrow
LM: I want him tonight.
Me: I can't find him tonight, I am sure he is in the tub toy holder somewhere.
LM: But you will find him tomorrow, right?
Me: Yes, honey I will find Jesus tomorrow.
LM: Promise?
Me: Yes
LM: Okay, we will both be so happy when you find Jesus tomorrow

Out of the mouth of babes!!!!!!! I love her and her love for Jesus and hope that as she grows, she continues to search for Jesus and love him, the real Jesus, as much as she loves her Jesus today!!!

Love

I was sitting this morning in silence while the kids were at school looking out the window.

In the quietness, I began to reflect on things within myself and my marriage.

Please Mr. Producer know that this is not intended as a laundry list of things you don't do. Rather this is me finding beauty in the things you do. Please realize honey that I am only sharing this with the world because, well, after talking with some friends, I realize that whether this is our marriage or theirs, everyone can benefit from reading this!

I love that he makes my coffee every morning, that he gets up with the kids in the morning and gets them dressed, fed and ready for school. In and of themselves, those are expressions of love!

For a while now, I have been realizing that the more I mother and wife, the more I long for Mr. Producer to do more romantic things with me and for me.

I long for him to turn off the tv and dance with me in the living room. I long for him to kiss me more, longer. I long for him to sit by the fire with me at night and just talk. I long for him to text me in the middle of the day, calling me beautiful and just saying I love you, whatcha doing.

These are the things that I need to hear...do...want to feel like more than his co-parent and roommate. These things to me are an important sign of love. They are a way of knowing he still sees me as his girlfriend yet with the security of being his wife. These are the things, more than the coffee that would show me his love.

Yet, as I am thinking of these longings, a bird flies by. Instantly, I am focusing more upward. I am likening my relationship with Mr. Producer much like my relationship with God.

I know by the gifts of my children, friends and family that my Lord loves me. He lets the sun rise every morning and the moon shine bright every night as a sign of his love. He gives the beach, the birds, the smell of rain as a gift.

Do I want more as a human than this, yes. Does he give the sun, moon, birds to everyone, yes. Do I want him to give me romantic moments, yes.

Yet, when I slow down, when I realize that phone call came from a friend at just the right moment. When I realize that another trip to the bathroom by one of the kids before we leave the house could have been the 1 thing that avoided us from an accident. When I realize that the dr. called when I was pregnant with Adam at just the same moment I lost Andrew, wanting me to come in immediately because they felt something wasn't right. When I realize that the rain fell on the day that I planted a garden. When the bird stops at my window, looks in and sings for a moment. These are the moments that I know God is romancing me. These are the times that I know he is showing me his love.

If I didn't stop for a moment and pay attention to these things, I may miss them. If I didn't look beyond the obvious to see the true meaning, I wouldn't recognize the moment for what its worth.

The same is true for Mr. Producer and I. If I didn't pause for a second and realize that he could in a quick state forget to make my coffee. That he could be grouchy and mean about me staying in bed. That he could ask me to work. That he could not give the kids a bath while I finish cleaning the kitchen so we could both relax together.

If I didn't pay attention to the little moments, the gentle expressions of love, I could take them for granted. I could believe he does those things because he has too.

Do I still want him to dance with me, kiss me, romance me, in the way that I want him too, YES!

Do I still want God to let me be financially free, allow Mr. Producer to work from home, give me perfect children. YES!

For today, will I look beyond what I want and enjoy what they give. YES! Will I spend a little more time today appreciating their love. YES!

(but Mr. Producer, if you turn off the tv tonight and dance with me, I wouldn't turn you down :)

I LOVE YOU!

Thank you God and Mr. Producer for the daily expressions of love!!!

Faith, hope, love

One of my youngers is determined to ride a bike for themselves. They are not ready. I don't let go. They have no choice. I know what they need, what I am saving them from, even while they don't. They push me away and fall. I don't gloat. I rush to their side. I kiss the pain. I offer again to help. It may be taken or they may be determined to do it again. ALONE. Still I stand and wait.

One of my youngers ask for help with everything. Afraid to do anything alone. I help when I know they need it. I encourage them to try when I know they can. I force them to do it alone (under my watchful eye of course) when they must.

One of my youngers relishes in my world. Doing all things mom. Rarely leaves my side and looks back constantly when they do. They need to know that I will always be here. I will never leave. I will not always be there the second they demand it, but I will always be there.

One of my youngers has very little need for me at all. The independence so strong I only serve a very limited need. They could walk away tomorrow and conquer the world. They will call home at night to let me know though that they did it ALONE. So independent. Yet, I am still here. I still encourage, I still love, I still set limits for I know they do need me.

One of my youngers has a need for reprimand on a minute by minute basis it seems. There is a strength in that. It will serve them well. I am still showing love. I never give up. I continue on. I know there will be a day when my desire will be won. I know they will understand someday.

One of my youngers has such a need to please. To do as told. To willingly accept. To rarely need reprimand. To be easy going and always ready for a hug. They are not my favorite. There are no favorites, only love for different reasons. They all think they are the favorite though and yet they know they are no better in my eyes than the next.

You ask, I will provide. Some provisions are immediate. The need for food, love. Some provisions are forthcoming play dates, outings. Some provisions are really a passing fancy that will not be meet, video games, designer clothes.

You disobey, I reprimand. Some reprimands are severe, a spanking, a I need your attention NOW. Some are just needing time alone. Some reprimands are the gentle voice, encouragement to do better. You cry when you are hurt. I kiss away the pain of a fall. I inwardly ache and stand aside to let you absorb the pain of a spanking. Then I kiss away the pain, after the lesson has been taught.

You have the choice to do things on your own. You have the choice to not listen to me.

You don't have to ask for my advice, opinions, you do not HAVE to seek my help. Yet, you do.

You do not have to love me, yet you do. I do not have to love you, yet I never wouldn't!

I don't have to see to believe
I don't have to touch to know
I don't have to have all the answers
There are many things that won't become clear until the day He calls me home
There are inconsistencies in stories
There are metaphor's I don't understand
There are lies greater than I can imagine

There is faith, love, hope

There are truths bigger than I can comprehend
There are promises greater than I can deserve
There is a love bigger than I expect
There are things I know

My Father loves me like I love the children He has given me.
If I let him, My Father reveals himself through my parenting.
If I let him, My Father sets the example for how I should raise, reprimand, care for and love my/His children.

If I reckon him to me and me to them our relationship is identical, except when he knows more than me (which is always).

Why am I a Christian?

Did I even have a choice, the Lord called me to be his child, He spoke my name.

I am a child of God because I know I can NOT walk this world with out my Father's guidance and love.

I am a child of God because I know the joy of always having my Father around, always be able to speak to him, to know that he hears me, he answers my prayers.

I know that of my own flesh I am incapable of having enough patience, love, grace and forgiveness.

I am a Christian because I can freely admit that I do bad things daily but I am forgiven them; I also know that my father loves me unconditionally.

I am a Christian because I know that I am a better person when I make my Father happy, when I do his will and tell of his love.

I am a Christian because I know that there is a better place, I know that when the end comes I will go home.

I am a Christian because He has called me to teach my children of his love and mercy.

I am a Christian because I know the road is not easy, the best things in life never are, but the reward is worth it.

I am a Christian because He loves me, because He called me.

Be forwarned, I am sure to offend!

I would like to start with an apology to those of you I am about to offend.


I really wanted to write a blog and give a tongue lashing to some of my fellow bloggers for their willingness to speak such hateful words against another person. My head races with the words that I want to say about how judgemental you seem. My heart cries for how you appear to other people, Christian's, Muslim's, nonbelievers.


After I read some blogs last night via blogger and myspace, then I read some more this morning, I felt uuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I can't not even find the right word!


I know that most of you were just expressing your personal opinion, something we all do and have the right to. I respect that we do not all like the same people. I did not vote for the man that you all speak of so negatively. However, I can not sit here and say I am a Christian and then say that I hate him for this or I think he desecrated the bible when he was inaugurated. I can tell you there are policies I have read about that he seems to agree with that I do not. But I can not and will not attack his personal character and moral fiber based on what the media feeds me. Only he and God know their relationship together! I will trust in the Lord, I will watch the man in action and I will pray for him. To do anything less would make me a hypocrite!


Lastly, I will leave you with the admittance that I know very little bible verses by heart and the ones I will post below came from the service at church last week. Do with them what you will!


Matthew 7:1-6
Proverbs 6:16-21
Galatians 5: 26 and 6:5

"Hate the sin, not the sinner"


Political and religious....MOM, help, I am forgetting my manners! Your grandkids might need you to come visit soon...quickly...now (before I throw in some sex, hey, anything is possible:)!!!!