Courtesy

****** DISCLAIMER... this is NOT directed at any of my family or friends. Do not feel pointed out or guilty (unless you are :) lol)) ******

This is a soapbox blog. I reserve the right to do this from time to time :) Its my chaos, my world, my blog, my right..... ;)

I have to question where common courtesy went.

I am going to sound like my grandparents when I say.... "I remember when..."

But, really, I do remember when people were courteous.

Where did that go and why?

Have we gotten so use to talking in text and IM that we have dehumanized and desensitized ourselves to the social politeness of caring people?

Sitting at Starbucks tonight having coffee with a friend, I observed a lady hold the door open for a couple that she was not with. Neither party in this said couple made an attempt to hold the door for each other in place of her. Furthermore, neither of the couple said thank you to this woman.

REALLY?

Was their time and energy so much more valuable than hers that they could not be bothered to remark on her kindness?

(before you comment and say, maybe they were deaf and unable to speak, they weren't!)

I have taught all 4 of the funchaos kids that they do not get anything without saying please and thank you! This is not negotiable. Yes, sometimes they need a gentle reminder, but for the most part, this is embedded into them! There is no negotiation on this!

Yet, I have witnessed on more than one occasional a fellow classmate or an occasional friend that routinely do not include these simple niceties in their day to day vocabulary.

Really, are we as a society not teaching out children the fundamental value that everyone deserves to be treated with politeness. Yes, everyone!

I am honest enough to admit that yes, I have had times where I have cut someone off in traffic because I was in a hurry or I have huffed at the person in line with 16 items in the express lane and yes, I have felt bad later for it!

I do not think my time, my energy or my words are any more important than yours!

Lately, I have become a texting addict. Now I know a couple people who for various reason's do not text.

I have to admit that I do frequently text in their presence. I don't really think about it being rude, but one such friend finds it very offensive. In their opinion, it feels like I am ignoring them to talk to someone else. At first I denied that fact, stating that I wasn't really "talking" with anyone else. Yet, the more I began to think about this the more I have to admit, they are right.

For me, texting comes with the same courtesies as any other form of conversation. That said, I absolutely hate when I am in the middle of a texting conversation and the other person disappears. Now, I realize we all get busy, we get carried away at work, we get called into a meeting, we have to break up a sibling squabble, change a diaper, whatever. BUT, I am talking about the total absolute none response from mid conversation, even a long time later, even enough to say, brb or gtg! To me this is the same as walking away in the middle of a person to person conversation!

Because I too have been guilty of this, I will admit it! If I have done this to you, I am terribly sorry, please forgive me!

Little man has begun to IM via fb. I have had to explain to him that even this form of communication requires him to be polite. Say thank you when someone asks how he is. Inquire how they are feeling in return. Say good bye when you are done talking. Yes, you are just punching letters on a keyboard, but there is a person on the other end of your keyboard. Even though you can't see them, they are there!

The other night I was driving home. It was dark and sort of late. There was a lost puppy running in the road. There was no thought involved on my part when I pulled over to help this puppy and I'm sure, its sad owner. I was happy to say that with me, 2 other cars pulled over to help.

A few months ago, I accidentally ran out of gas. I had the 3 little's in the car with me. It was the middle of the day, a very busy intersection. 4 lanes of traffic separated me and the gas station. I immediately put on my hazards. Embarrassed and crying, I called the closest person to me, my mom, to come to my rescue. Thankfully, she did. But in the meantime sitting there waiting for her to show up, I was passed by 3 police men and probably 200 other cars. The ONLY person to stop and ask if I needed help was a young girl, probably in her very early 20's. That's it, no one else. Not the men in work trucks, the police officer's who swore to protect and serve, the hundreds of other people so involved in their day, their worlds.

Now, I too have been guilty of passing by a person in need. Mostly this is done out of fear, I always have the kids with me. Yet, I have on more than one occasion stopped when I have witnessed an accident or rolled my window down and asked if someone needed help or me to make a phone call.

These simple acts do not make me a hero. They make me human. They make me compassionate. They remind me, my kids that everyone's life has value. That we are here to help each other, to be courteous!

There are so many little ways we can help each other, we can be polite and courteous, that it seems too easy. There are so many ways to be kind and compassionate that when we blatantly choose to overlook them, it seems that much more rude!

I pray daily that I continue to instill in my children this simple value.

When someone says hi, answer them. When someone opens the door for you, say thank you. When you ask for anything, anything at all, always say please and thank you when it is given. When you hurt someone either accidentally or on purpose, apologize. When you are conversing with someone, regardless of what method you are using, don't be rude and walk away. When someone says how are you, respond and ask how they are in return, whether you care or not isn't important. When you see someone in trouble offer to help them. When you don't want something, say no thank you! If you say you are going to do something, do it!

We are all busy, we are all important. Everyone has somewhere to be, someone to talk to. Everyone's time, energy, love is just as important as the next persons.

Be courteous!

Soapbox empty now.... If you've ready this far, thank you! If you have seen yourself in this post, I am sorry! If I have been un-courteous to you, I am deeply sorry! If you are compelled to say something, leave me a comment, but please be courteous :)

Me, defined

For those who are real close, you know lately has been a time of ugh in our house. We have had late nights trying to figure out what is right for our family. We have had temper tantrums, by both kids and adults. We have had periods of self discovery. We have made mistakes. Some of us have even done things that have shocked some of you. To say that our house has had trying times lately has been an understatement. Yet, I wouldn't trade the last few months for anything in the world. The last few months have taught me about, me.

You live with yourself, your thoughts...emotions...feelings for so long that I think most of us just go with the flow of who we are.

Until we have a moment...day...week...event that shakes us. Until you have a it-won't-happen-to-me-event.

Now, most of you thought that moment for me was Andrew. At the time, I am sure it was. However, this year has brought a couple of those events for me personally.

I have had many moments this year where I have done things I swore I never would. I have had relationships tested. Beliefs challenged. Ideal's changed. Growth occuring.

I started out this year so sure of who I was... a wife... a mother... a child of God... a friend... a daughter... grand daughter, sister, cousin, niece, aunt.

But, somewhere along the way this year, it felt like I was all those things and nothing!

Somewhere along the way, I began to feel like I had lost me. I became so busy doing for everybody else, that I did nothing for me. So lost in the routine of life, I began to operate on auto pilot. The jobs, demands of the day still getting done, but the heart and soul behind them was quiet.

I still loved my kids, family deeply. I still gave hugs & kisses as needed, when asked, without reason. I still helped, gladly, willingly anyone that needed it. But, there was a piece of me missing. My husband will vouch. So will some friends.

There was a part of me that was shorter fused. Easier to aggravate. Quicker to yell. (by the way, this is contagious and not good, lol :)

It felt like the more demands that were placed on me, the more I wanted to back away. The more questions asked, the more silent I wanted to be. The more people wanted me to go back to being me, the more I couldn't... at least on the inside.

Now some of you are wondering who in there right mind would publish this for the world to see. You are questioning my motives, my reason... no doubt, maybe rightly so!

Consider this my public apology. For those of you who were use to me making the 1st step, phone call...I am sorry that I have stopped doing that. For those of you who were use to occupying all my time when not with my family, it may feel I have deserted you. I am sorry. And I haven't.

These past few months have brought about some very new friends and some re-aquainting with some very beloved old friends. I couldn't be happier!

Now, on to the real sappy part (bleh, lol)-------- I love each and everyone of you. Family, friends!

I am checking back into my life. My heart and soul has finished its break.

However, if you are expecting your phone to start ringing daily, it probably won't. If you are expecting me to want to be with you all the time, I won't.

I regret nothing I have done lately. I have learned a lot about myself in the last few months. I have learned who I am...

I am still a wife... mother... daughter... friend... child of God... all those other things. I still relish some roles more than others.

But, I have learned I am so much more than the titles placed upon me.

I am strong. I am the girl who can be found listening to either country, christian, or pop music depending on the moment. I love to exercise. I have come to depend on making that a part of my day. I love to shop. I love to cook. I love to hang out with my friends. I love to be alone. I love to go out on a Saturday night and dance. I love to go to church on Sunday morning. I hate to do laundry but I realize it is in its own way a declaration of my love. I love my chickens, cat and yes, hamster. I long for a dog. I love my tattoo, if you aren't sure why then you haven't read this post. I love my nose piercing, no not because it makes me different, but because I think it is cute, fun, spunky, my husband loves it and you only live once. I love God! Not because it is the cool thing to do, but because He is the only one who loves me and accepts me totally. I am a huge fan of dressing up, kissing, my cool kids, cuddling, talking. I love my husband, he...me...us are so far from perfect, but we are perfect for each other. I am going to quit trying so hard, giving...planning...doing so much. I am going to let others have some control... some initiation... some say so! (for the record, this will be a work in progress, lol) I am finding that I think the human mind is way cool; the reasons we do things, consciously and subconsciously is very fascinating. I am the girl who misses teaching but is not ready to leave my kids to go back. I am the girl who wants to write a novel. I am the girl who is not creative but has a great imagination. I have always said that I do not need anyone in my life but want everyone that is in it, in whatever capacity they are in it --- I am that girl!

So, while there are some physical and behavioral changes that may have occurred in the last few months, I am still the same girl I use to be, only slightly more sure of myself, my believes, my love, my life!

Welcome to my world.......

Farkle

I have recently discovered that I have a very addictive personality. Ok, not the you are addicted to me kind, but rather, the I get addicted to things easily kind.......

For the record, my life would be easier if it was the former rather than the latter!

In high school, I was addicted to talking on the phone and shopping for clothes (ok, maybe still struggling on these, lol)!!!!

Right after school I started smoking...ugh...not only a very expensive addiction but one that also lasted 13 years. Thankfully I can say that this addiction is done (4.5yrs ago). There are days that I think about smoking again...more for an excuse to go outside and have some peace and quiet, lol. But, seeing that I have an addictive personality, I fear that 1 drag and I would be hooked!

For a long while Mr. Producer and I had a credit card addiction. I will not disclose how many or what we owed, but thankfully we were introduced to Dave Ramsey! I heart Dave!!!! While we still have 1 more cc to pay off, it has been almost 2 years since we used a credit card and really we couldn't be more secure!!!!

When myspace first entered the screen a few years back, it didn't take long for me to make excuses to check that a couple times a day! When Myspace was no longer "cool" I followed the piedpiper to facebook! OH BOY!!!! I still only check this addiction a couple (hundred:) times a day....lol! AND please note, in the past I have attempted to overcome this....well..... here goes....

Hi, my name is Tracy and I am a facebook addict!!!

Not sure if there is a 12 step program for this and pretty sure I would fail anyway...lol!

In the past I can say that my current addictions have only numbered 1 or 2 at a time.

Sadly, this is not currently the case!!!! UGH!!! Now, I suppose I could turn this into a matter of semantics seeing as how some of current addictions reside only on facebook (farkle, farming) but really, we have suppressed the English teacher this long, let's keep it that way! LOL!

The most current addiction, really it is a good one, is running and exercise. I WANT MORE!!! This addiction is a double edge sword though because it seems like the only time I really have to run is at 6am! Ummmmm.... have I mentioned that I am also addicted to sleep! lol!! Additionally, thanks to my new ipod shuffle, I think I could become addicted to itunes....sorry honey, this is not my fault, blame it on your friend!!! LOL!!! Friend...... THANK YOU!!! Really I got the better end of this past week....

Also, I should take the time here to mention that I have also become addicted to texting! I heart texting!!! Unfortunately, Mr. Producer does not have a phone with a keypad, so his texting abilities are slowed down and I often fire them off quicker than he can respond.... sorry honey! We will work on that!!!!!

Lastly, I think I have become addicted to my friends kids...... I have had the pleasure of being with 2 wonderful, funny, sweet, helpful, loving, gorgeous, kind, gentle, helpful, did I mention GREAT kids?????? Alas, their equally wonderful mother comes home tonight and I am pretty sure she wants them back....... seeing as kidnapping is against the law, I will return them.... only with the promise though that I can have them anytime you need me too........ I heart them.....

Confession time over.......

p.s. I am still addicted to the phone and shopping for clothes (which are getting smaller and cuter)!!!

strength

When you think of strength, what comes to mind?

A body builder? An olympic diver? A police man chasing a criminal?

A person in the heat of rescue lifting a car of a victim? A mother fighting to bring her baby into the world? A child reaching for that last monkey bar and making it?

Who do you picture when someone asks you to picture the person in your life that is strong?

Your dad? Husband? Brother?

The single mom you know? Your friend serving in Iraq? The fireman down the street?

Mr. Producer made a facebook fan page for my blog this week. In doing so, he opened up my world for many of my friends to read. Some of these people I have known for years. Others only more recent. Some shared in my greatest moments of happiness and others held my hand through many tears. Yet, there were some that I have known for years that maybe never really knew me/us. Some that knew bits and details of our lives in passing. Some perhaps making judgements for themselves without the full story.

I was, quite honestly, shocked when someone who has become a dear friend sent me a message and stated that I had moved them to tears. (Don't worry your identity will remain a secret on account of you having an image to uphold ;) I was elated when they said that they felt my emotions through my writing. I giggled when they said if I was not allowed to blog anymore. Mostly, I was stunned, genuinely, honestly, truly stunned, when they said I was the strongest person they knew.

My initial reaction was, no I am weak. I falter, I fail, I am tempted, I sin, I get angry, I dream some days of running away.

Then I remind myself, that is what makes us human.

Then I sat down to blog. I was going to say all these great things about everyone being strong when they need to be. You never know what you can do/succeed/accomplish or just merely live through until...you do. God never gives you more than you can handle...

All of these sentiments are very true....not 1 can be discounted.

What I will say is this.....strength isn't something everyone has all the time. Sometimes we are all weak. Sometimes we all have to rely on others to get us through. Even Jesus had to. Our strength, and each persons is unique, comes from our experiences in life and how we are willing and able to process them. Would I have chosen to lose a child, nope not at all...am I grateful that He knew better than me and had great plans for my life...yep! Some struggles make you know that you can accomplish anything and others are only a catalyst for something bigger.

For some reading this your strength may be finishing college, struggling to pay the bills, working out your marriage, conceiving a child, being a parent.
Everyday we all face things that are hard, from surviving the flu to surviving traffic jams to surviving until bed times. Being strong is really just the attitude you choose to have to get you through.

So, yea, we are all strong and with the right people in your life and Him guiding your life, you will always be as strong as you need to be.

Now, when someone asks who you think of when they say strength, let at least one of those people be yourself. It is ok to be strong and even more ok, to admit when you aren't!

Confidential to you...thanks for the compliments, they made my day ;)

I.

I.

I AM ...thinking that it is getting late, 24 rocked and I really should get to bed.
I WANT... it to warm up because now that I have decided to get a tattoo, I wanna do it now!
I HAVE ... hoped that ex-boyriends have facebooked or myspaced me and wished they hadn't let me go, yep, sure have!
I WISH I COULD ... be as brave as my kids think I am.
I HATE ... sweeping the kitchen floor, pea's, pettiness and my nose.
I FEAR ... roller coasters, big ones. TERRIBLY.
I HEAR ... the giggling and loudness of my kids and love it.
I SEARCH ... for long adjectives, big words, my pre-mommy brain and body while still being a mommy.
I DON'T THINK ... sometimes I just don't.
I REGRET ... nothing, for everything got me to where I am.
I LOVE ... my life, really, in spite of the improvements I want, it is an awesome place to be.
I ACHE FOR ... for everyone I know to have the relationship I do with my FATHER.
I ALWAYS CRY ... the week before, over stupid things.
I AM NOT ... weak. At all.
I DANCE ... for my kids...to be silly...to feel better...with no one watching.
I SING ... horribly, but I love to.
I NEVER ... go a day without worrying or obsessing about something. Not ever. Not a day. Although I REALLY want to.
I RARELY ... am on time. TRULY try to be, but...
I CRY WHEN I WATCH ... video's of my children's birth, and at least 2 ER's a season.
I AM NOT ALWAYS ... awake.
I HATE THAT ... I never have enough to give to whatever cause I want.
I'M CONFUSED ABOUT ... the purpose of roaches, the scent that comes from my children and yo gabba gabba.
I NEED ... to color more.
I SHOULD ... find a way to do less laundry.



JUST THOUGHT YOU'D WANNA KNOW!

Redbook got me thinking...

There was an article today in the Redbook magazine that I was reading at the gym, hey anything to get me away from thinking about the torture that I am enduring... but I digress... Now I can not tell you what the article was about. I.DON'T.HAVE.A.CLUE. but the following phrase caught my attention

"Write down 3 traits you like most about yourself and but them in your wallet, so if you are having a bad day, you can have a quick, pick me up"

This got me to thinking (again, taking my mind off the torture). What would I, ME, TRACY, write about MYSELF!

{{{{{{{{ LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Now, this is not self depreciating in the sense that I want you complimentary comments. SO.NOT.THE.PURPOSE.OF.TODAYS.BLOG. While I love your compliments normally and flattery will get you everywhere, don't patronize me today by complimenting me}}}}}}}}

What 3 traits would I write about myself. I spent the better part of the afternoon trying to come up with an answer.

#1. My eyes. The color and the feelings that they convey.
#2. My

Wow! I am stuck at #1. Is that suppose to happen? Darn.

Would it be easier to write what I won't put and why? Hmmmmmmmmm....

#1. My body... do I really need to say why?
#2. My kindness, in I would give you the shirt of my back, except see #1. I am not so much in the position anyone wants to see the shirt off my back.
#3. My patience...I pray nightly for more...with 4 kids can I ever have enough?
#4. My honesty...is not sharing everything still considered being honest?
#5. My ability to forgive...did I mention that I can/will/do hold a grudge?
#6. My fairness...yea, right. I will admit is, I judge, myself, others, people I have no right to (Hey, I am not perfect, I pray nightly for my shortcomings, I am working on them)
#7. My sense of humor...ummm, yea sometimes you don't want to know what weird things I find funny!
#8 My ability to sing...Even the church would ask me not to sing but rather hum!
#9. My unwavering belief in what can not be seen..except, I question UFO's, unicorn's and the goodness of anything that smells bad.
#10. My ability to love...that is what got me in trouble with food, debt and 4 kids, oops, sorry this is a family blog, right.

Seems, I am not doing much in the area of pick me up....

Then I went back and looked at my list, picking apart each one individually and here is what I came up with.

#1. My eyes, because yes, I do like them, thanks for asking! As for the rest of my body, the parts I don't like. I have made peace with them. There are 4 reason's they are that way. Adam, Katie, Becca and Jason. You have done indescribable things to my body but even more to my heart, so thank you!
#2. My kindness. Hey it may not be pretty, but really, if you need my shirt, it is yours! Just close your eyes!
#3. My patience. I am not Job. I do pray for more...but I do have more than a lot of people I know.
#4. My honesty, I have learned when to share and when to hold back. I have also learned that being honest does not always mean not lying, sometimes it means telling you what you need/want to hear. Sometimes it means protecting your feelings and heart.
#5. My ability to forgive. I can/do forgive. In.My.Own.Time. Some things in life are better not rushed. Cookies, pregnancy and forgiveness.
#6. My fairness. Being fair doesn't mean giving/treating everyone the exact same. It means treating everyone the way they personally deserve to be treated. Treating everyone with the love and respect that is unique to them.
#7. My sense of humor. I can laugh at myself, you, my kids. Even more, I can make you laugh. It may not always be appropriate. Often I speak before I think and this my friends is just funny...at least to me.
#8. My ability to sing. I am so good that even the local dogs join in! Hey, my kids love it!!!!!!
#9. My unwavering belief in what can not be seen, hey, I don't know everything, only He does and at least the smell lets me know that a diaper change is needed!
#10. Lastly, my ability to love...deeply. For better or worse, if you are invited in, you are here to stay.

So, I guess Redbook was good for something, other than keeping me from focusing on the torture occurring! It made me realize that I may not be the best person on the earth, but I can admit my faults, I aim to improve them, can laugh while doing so and I am definitely not the worst!!!! And, while I am TOTALLY IMPERFECT, I actually do like me even though I can not count!!!!

What would Redbook tell you about yourself?