a picture worth a thousand words

I intended to leave my thoughts simply with a few words as my facebook status "It is so very easy to judge, to say what you would or wouldn't do; I'm sure some decisions may surprise other people, but until you find yourself in the exact same position, you truly have no idea!" 


Sorry, I just can't seem to let it stop there. 


The famous Duggar family, suffered a 2nd trimester miscarriage last week. The world is outraged and looking at everything this couple does as a publicity stunt. (you can read the story here)


While I do not advocate for anyone having 20 children, it is not my place to judge a family that loves and provides, without the assistance of government help, for their family. 

Your personal feelings aside on what this woman may be doing to her body, the footprint they are leaving on our environment, etc, etc. You can not deny the pain this family is experiencing in the loss of their last child!


I. WEEP. FOR. AND. WITH. THEM. 

and yes, as crazy as this may sound to you, I AM JEALOUS OF THEM.


They are the parents of a precious angel. A perfect child that shall forever watch over them and love them from heaven, resting safely in the arms of our Lord. 


So am I! 


This isn't a blessing, (and yes it is a blessing) that I would wish to any parent.




My circumstances in having my baby in heaven is slightly different than the Duggars, but no less special.


So, why you ask am I jealous? 


Because they have pictures!!!!


Yes, many people the world over are outraged and disgusted by the audacity and seemingly senselessness of Michelle Duggar and family to hand out pictures of their stillborn preterm child. 


I have never seen a more tasteful, beautiful picture in all my life!


I completely commend this family and the photographers from nowilaymedowntosleep.org for the beauty they have shown in this sweet pictures. 


I am jealous that the Duggars have a visual reminder, beautiful enough to display to the world of their angel in heaven. I am jealous that in the face of tragedy, they had time to think and prepare for a precious way to remember their angel.


You see when "tragedy" strikes, we are often left with no time to prepare. I am incredibly blessed to have had 3 hours with my precious sweet baby Andrew before he passed away, but I have blogged before, that my ONLY regret surrounding his life and death here on earth, is that I have no pictures fit for displaying. Yes, I have a picture, but it is not one I can show the world. Through a mother's eyes, I can look at his picture, a baby with such little, perfect features, and smile at how the sheer beauty and perfection God alone can create. However, most people can not look at his picture through my eyes. Yes, he was perfect, every finger and toe perfectly formed...a cute button noise, a head of black hair, a tiny, wrinkly little tummy...beautiful, long arms and legs. Perfection in its truest form! Yet, knowing this picture was taken, after he went home to be with Jesus, makes it impossible for most people to look at. I have yet to show my children here on earth, although they know and talk about their brother in heaven frequently, because well, they are simply not mature and understanding enough to appreciate and value the beauty of his picture.


Had I the time to prepare, as the Duggars did, I would have made certain to take pictures of my precious angel. Pictures of him wrapped up, snuggled in my arms, pictures of his daddy kissing his forehead, pictures of his grandparents looking at him in wonderful amazement, pictures of the priest baptizing him, pictures of mommy's tears falling on his gentle cheeks.


Yes, I would have taken pictures, yes, I would still to this day have them displayed proudly in my home. Yes, pictures to show my children of their brother.


I fully support the tastefulness, love and heartbreak in which the Duggars chose to have pictures taken to show their angel to the world, to hang on the wall of their home, to have the visual reminder, when time fads the memory, of the beauty and love they have known through their precious child, Jubilee.


May the Duggars continue to find peace in the knowledge that their sweet girl is with her heavenly father! 


HUGS!

happily sad

It's the end of the school year. A time I usually look forward to, being the mom that loves having her babies home for the summer in spite of or perhaps because they drive me crazy. I like knowing what they are doing all day, hearing their laughter, watching them learn, explore, grow and play. I know this time with them is limited. The chance to just be a kid, to have no where to be at a certain time every time, to play in the rain, to enjoy life. I know the opportunities to do these things with them goes away with every passing day as they grow. I know that some day, they will want more than the simple pleasures of riding their bikes all morning, taking a nap, relaxing in front of the TV, and playing in a 2 foot pool. So, with warm weather and ample trips to the beach, summer brings with it the chance for even mommy to be a kid again. A chance for me to slow down and enjoy life in its simplest, innocent form, to look forward to a rain storm just for the chance to play in it.

I have always loved the elementary school my kids have gone to. They, and I, have made some wonderful friends, some great memories and fantastic opportunities. I am blessed they are part of many activities within their schools, that they are accepted and loved for who they are, that they are encouraged to grow and learn.

Today, the last day that my kids will go to their elementary school is met with sadness that overshadows the happy of them starting summer vacation.

The choice to withdraw them from their current school was not one I made lightly. It wasn't an easy decision, it is one that I prayed over. The choice to withdraw them from a place that has been loving and accepting was done only with the best intent for their future.

For as much as I love their school, the very school system within they attend and I work, leaves something to be desired.

It is this desire that led me to withdraw them from their school and place enroll them starting next year in a new school. Yes, this new school is in the same system, however, it is a charter school. A charter school differs from a public school in the fact that a charter school is more directly parentally involved, students have to apply and be chosen to attend, their discipline is stricter. They are a public school, with accountability reported to the stater and funding provided by the state in addition to local businesses. They are much like a non religious private school but without the tuition.

If I only had 1 child I may never have pulled them out of their currently elementary school but when you take in to account all 4 personalities, this was the right choice for all of them.

But, even knowing you made what you think is the right choice, is still hard sometimes. I walked away from the kids school today with tears on my face and a sadness in my heart. I will desperately miss some of the people at their school. I know the kids will miss many friends they have made. We will all miss people that have impacted all our lives. Yes, some of these people we will remain life long friends with. Some of the friends we have made are even transferring school with us. But some people, current friends, will fade away with the passing of time, looked back on lovingly as people that have made a difference in our lives.

I understand that throughout our lives we will always have friends come and go, this is a lesson kids learn young on the playground. Sometimes it is even necessary and desired to allow some friends to fade from our lives. But, I hope those friends that fade away with time, know how special they were and are. Just as I hope the kids and their former school know that there is no place else I would have wanted as our 1st school experience and I look back on our 4 years there with great pride and wonderful happy memories!!!

Now, bring on the rain, naps, late nights, no schedule, sleeping late, ice cream eating, beach and pool playing days of summer :)

I quit

Dear chaosx4 family,

Please accept this letter of resignation dated today, January 17, 2011.

Effective immediately, I am tendering my resignation as your maid, referee, taxi, laundress and yep, even cook.

I hereby delegate my duties to anyone willing to overtake them. Should no one apply for this position, as shocking as that would be, I declare you old enough to be the supervisors of said jobs yourself.

It has taken me many years to accept that perhaps I am no longer fit or was ever really qualified for this position.

To anyone looking to accept this position in my absence, please be aware that the hours are long, there is no salary, very limited benefits and rare gratitude's of thanks.

You will need to begin immediately, and even when you think the day is done, one of them are bound to need you in some capacity even in the middle of the night. They will need you to be willing to wash about 8 loads of laundry a week, prepare 3 meals a day and 2 snacks, transport them to fun events, school and church. Referring will be a HUGE portion of your day. There will be many he said/she said/he did/she did rumors through out the day, that can be taxing to even the most patient of people. You will be required to remember where shoes, clothes, toys and even homework you did not wear, see, touch or do have been left and to find said items as you are walking out the door, in the rain, with no coffee. In addition to no salary, you will always have to have immediate cash on hand for borrowed lunch money for milk and ice cream, in spite of the fact that you did pack them a lunch. You will also be asked numerous times for candy, gum and other unmentionables they know full well they may not have. You will no longer engage in conversation, but rather your vocabulary will consist of simple questions, such as: was that kind? Do you need to use the restroom? Where is your brother or sister? Has anyone let the dog out to go potty? Who drew on the wall? do you have and where is your homework, agenda, planner? Could someone please help so and so? Do you need a spanking? Are you listening and did you hear me?

I will continue to reside in the residence of employment and will be willing to answer any questions you may have. However, you can easily ask your employees as at ages 9, 5, and almost 4, they seem to know and have the answers to everything.

It is with my deepest regret that I have to hand in this resignation. I have tried my hardest day after day to be more than just an average executive. I have provided ample time for play, for extracurricular activities, for learning, for discipline, for giving and most certainly for loving. I have taxied the employees in question to numerous parties, sporting events, school functions, play dates and church services.

I have tried to instill good values, polite manners and a love of humanity in them. I have tried numerous times to show them the beauty in being quiet.

Please be advised though that these are hard employees to teach and train, an attribute that they may find useful later in life, but difficult to deal with as they are growing (between you and I , I am pretty sure they get this from their paternal side of the family ;)

I wish you all the best in your new endeavor and look forward to watching you with them in action.

Please understand that they are wonderful employees. They are cute with a great sense of humor. They can be very intuitive, understanding when you have reached your limit, they will often "step-up" and perform admirably. When they want to, they can be kind, helpful, loving almost angelic even. They are very lovable, they do say please and thank you often, even yes and no ma'am and sir. They have the cutest grins, they sing well, have I mentioned they are funny? No, actually they are hilarious. They will make you laugh often and much!!!! They also give THE BEST hugs and kisses and cuddles.........................................

On second thought....they may be sloppy, they may not appreciate folded laundry or clean dishes, but what they lack in those departments, they make up for in love.....................

So, sorry to disappoint any applicants rushing to the door to take over my unpaid, sometimes unappreciated executive position, but I have decided to recant my resignation!