maicure, friends and self imposed grumpiness

So here I have been feeling cranky the last couple days. Even the kids will tell you. I feel bad for that Adam and Katie, I ask again please forgive mommy! There has been no real reason for this, just a bunch of little stupid stuff that I have let me mind run away with. Starbucks, cleaning the kitchen (sweeping, washing table, washing dishes, washing highchairs - 3x a day!), laundry, gray hair, colds - they have all played a part in my self-imposed I don't wanna let it go funk. I have built a fort for the kids and hoping maybe they will play nice together for a while so I can get some fun "chores" done like answering emails and uploading pictures. Of course, after 5 minutes of playing, the whining begins. Katie is knocking the fort over, Becca is trying to bite Jason, Adam is tattling on everybody and poor Jason is just crying. I know their whineyness stems from my grumpiness. I KNOW THIS!!! But, I am not done wallowing. All I can think of is I want to go away and feeling guilty for feeling that way! The "chores" get put on hold and off to referee I go. This is where my friend C.B. (not real name, rather initials for a term of endearment) happens to stumble into our day. C.B. decided after hearing my downtrodden mood she is going to bring some sunshine into our world! Forget the shine, I think she brought the whole sun!!! Arms laden with Publix bags, I wonder what she is up to. Out comes salads for the grown-ups, lunch meat, juice boxes, cheeze-its and grapes for the kids. After every surprise I can feel the excitement building (yes, mine not the kids) . As if someone taking over the lunch dilemma wasn't enough, she shoves me to the shower. Wait, a shower in the middle of the day without worrying the 4 kids will kill themselves or each other? I think I am in HEAVEN! After spending a guilty amount of time (thank God I haven't bought the hot water timer ye, more to follow) in the shower. While I am in the shower my friend, savior, angel cleans the kitchen, unloading the dishwasher (which Katie thanks her for since it is Katie's job this week) reloading it, sweeping and wiping down the highchairs and table. Now, I think I should feel guilty but am just so elated to get out of those chores for once that I can't :-) As if all this pampering of me wasn't enough (TRULY it was more than I deserve) she gives my an early birthday present by pushing me out the door for a manicure AND pedicure. I am speechless. This is surreal, I think I must have fallen asleep on the floor playing referee. Nope, I pinch myself and realize, yes my feet are soaking in the warm bubbling water of a pedicure!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! No, I don't feel guilty, I don't even try, I follow instructions and just ENJOY!
The self-imposed grumpiness has been replaced me a prettily painted, self-indulged, totally relaxed mommy who is reminded that it is not wrong to want to get away occasionally and that it is good to pamper yourself sometimes.
C.B. When you least expect it, I will return the favor!!!!

divorce

Got your attention didn't I? He he. Sorry, that wasn't nice.

I promised a blog on my dislike of friends, so here goes.

Making and having friends I have discovered is actually harder than getting and staying married. Or, maybe it is just me!

Making friends is just like dating. You can't wait to discover everything about the other person; you spend endless hours talking; you giggle; you make dates; you cook and dress to impress; Basically you "date". Then while you never decide to be exclusive you do begin to spend more time with that friend then your others. Finally, while still in the "you are so normal and we have so much in common and I love your kids" stage, you either verbally or by your actions announce to the whole world and all your other friends that you are best friends. This is the 1 friend you can't live without; the one person whom you have the most in common; the one you tell all your secrests too. This is also the same person you are going to want to divorce in a few years! TRUST ME!! My mother always said if it is too good to be true, it is. This also applies to friends. Whether they are your best friend or just a close friend, if they seems too great, they are.

Now, let's fast forward a couple years. Your bestest friend ever is human; they aggravate you; they don't always brush their hair to come see you; their cooking is bad (or what they passed off as theirs actually came from take out they threw in their own container); they have bad habits and their kids can be unruly (so can yours, but you have to keep them and love them anyway:-)

Now you are realizing that there are differences in being married and being friends. Your spouse is the only other person who loves to hear every story about your kids; who declared in front of God and the world in a million dollar ceremony that they will always love you; your spouse has seen you naked and is still around; your spouse can and occassionally does, clean the bathroom, mow the yard or keep the kids for free so you can go out for the evening alone; and honestly, there is the sex factor. Let's be grown ups here, we all have kids!

Finally you are left with a decision. Do you divorce, separate or make-up, with the friend. Well, Unlike the spouse, you can divorce the friend pretty inexpensively and you don't have to return half your house if it is within the 1st year. although some clothes/toys/house keys may have to be returned. Yes, you share memories but right now you can't remember the good one's. The kids will miss each other in the beginning but if you are quick enough to make new friends, then the kids won't remember johnny anyway. It is much easier to not mention the old friend for your children don't look like them (if they do, then you have bigger issue's). However, just like the spouse, they know a lot about you. They accept you faults and all. They give it to you straight, even when you don't want to hear it. They do make you laugh and they do love your kids (almost as much as their own). You do have history. They get the men jokes.

So, while they may aggravate you and you may go from friends, to best friends to just friends once more, a friend is a good thing to have. However deep the relationship, as long as the friend can pick you up when you are down, will go bikini shopping with you, make you laugh and help in your time of need, then I guess maybe you ought to hang on to them! Just like marriage, sometimes it may take work, but the best things in life usually do!!!!

Love ya,
T

changes

To say I am at a crossroads in my life is perhaps not the most accurate statement. Let's try to be more precise and say that some of my thoughts/ideals are changing due to newly received information. None of this newly received information is exactly new to the world, just me. Take for example, food co-ops. While these are not the recently discovered answer to economical or global salvation, they are an enlightenment to me. I suppose I knew they existed, I just never thought about them. Now that I am exploring them, I am in awe that they exist , that there are not more of them, that everyone doesn't want to be involved. There are many angles to take this stand point from. Doesn't everyone want to save money? Doesn't everyone want to eat healthier? Doesn't everyone want to know where they food is coming from, what is on it, what is was grown with? Doesn't everyone want to give their kids only the best life has to offer? Doesn't everyone agree that doing better things for the environment is healthier for us, our kids, our grandkids? I can honestly say that just a few months ago, I was like a lot of people. It wasn't that I didn't want these things, I just didn't think about them. Now, some people's first inclination might be to say that it is because I am hanging out with more people from church and that they (christians) are generally more tree huggerish (taking a tracy liberty here and making up my own words for understanding), more back to the basics, more concerened about the environment, community, world. I have to disagree. While that might play a factor in it, it has more to do with becoming more aware of the world around me as I grow up. Most of this fascination and interest was actually sparked by an immediate family member that is not a church goer (and that is perfectly ok). Although, I guess I could argue that maybe the fascination was always there and just dormant since one of my most used sayings on any aspect of life in the past couple of years has been "200 years ago....". Now, here is where I grapple with my new found interest. While I am intrigued with the go healthy and it all makes sense to me, I have yet to find a co-op to be in and truth be told, I like chips, cookies and chocolate (we have already discussed this in an earlier blog) and honestly, I am not looking to make a world of new friends (will discuss this in next blog posting). Now the last comment is only a small portion of the reason why and please no one be offended by that! But really, I like chocolate and chips and cookies and I just don't see how healthy living fits in with that. I know, everything in moderation!! But honestly, if I buy it, have it, am around it, it is very hard to resist. So, I guess I have to learn to walk the walk and talk the talk and indulg OCCASSIONALLY!!!!!!!!!!! After all, I have 4 sets of eyes learning from everything I do and if I am reshaping my family tree financially then I might as well be doing it nutritionally too and maybe I can find the common ground where the 2 go hand in hand!!!!

Love ya,
T

this novice is learning

Wow! a few weeks ago I thought to myself, I have such great idea's or at the very least a crazy enough life that I might be able to keep one or two people in the world entertained; or at the very least someone other than my myspace friends. Well, I have kept people entertained or at least evoked some kind of emotions of the last few posts, so goal accomplished. Well, little miss I thought I knew what I was doing was shocked tonight to discover that I have barely begun to dive into the world of blogging. I read the blogs of 2 girls from my church (one a friend and one a could become?) and they have things on their blog site that I didn't even know existed (outside of myspace). They have songs, pictures, graphics, quotes, links. I am not sure I can even handle the excitement at adding some more of myself to my thoughts!!! Then I thought, because my head was getting so full of myself...err I mean my newly attained knowledge that I would join an additional blog site such as momdot. Well, let's just say I have been HUMBLED!!! When I read some of the posters out there I realize that maybe I am not nearly as entertaining as I thought?! Oh well, I originally started this for myself and will continue to blog for the fun of it and as an outet to my crazy life. Now, let me state that I am not feeling overwhelmed just simply by other people's post but more by their ability to UNDERSTAND how in the heck to and why I need to download wordpress. Suffice it to say, I DON'T GET IT!!!! So, now that my head is a little smaller than it was a couple weeks ago, I hope some of you readers are still here on the easy to use, prettied up blogger.com!

To my Katie

My sweet, exuberant, loving Katie,

Mommy is a little late in writing your birthday letter. I am sorry for that, but grateful that it gave me time to learn more about you! What a love you are!!!! My little baby girl is not turning into a kid. There were days your first year that it seemed I cried as much as you did. If ever there was a child God gave me to teach me the real joy and challenge of parenting, it was you. Little did I know that I would thank God for you millions of times over within the next few years as you were definitely my anchor for having twins. You my precious 3 year old so filled with wonder and awe will never know the love and joy that I have for you until you are blessed enough to become a mother one day. And yes, I hope you have one just like you for there is much joy to be had in having a Katie. Bean, I have had the opportunity the last week to truly catch glimpses of the child you are becoming. What a well mannered, eaasy to please, fiercly independent, comedic and yes, beatuiful child you are. While I know it seems you have you fair share of spankings and time-outs, you have more than your share of hugs, kisses, and love. You are your own person and I admire that you keep your individuality even in times of reprimand. I do not ever want you to change or conform just because someone says so. I hope you always stand your ground and make your decisions based upon your beliefs. HOWEVER, I will caution you dear child to do so with RESPECT! You are definitely not a mean spirited child! You are so filled with love and desire though it often gets unnoticed in your busyness. You have an artists soul and a mother's heart. I still see in my mind the pink little baby that came out kicking and screaming abd you will always be my baby but I am so thoroughly enjoying watching the person you are blossomig into. I love you very much, Katie bean!

K.I.S.S.

ok, here goes. The top 10 K.I.S.S rules for a happy marriage and parenting - in no particular order!

1. BE RESPECTFUL!!! (if you wouldn't talk to the person sitting next to you in church/work that way/tone/vocabulary then don't talk to your spouse/children/friends that way)

2. FAMILY ALWAYS COMES FIRST (there are no if's, and's or but's here)

3. YOU HAVE MADE THE COMMITMENT, THERE ARE NO DO-OVERS (whether it is in marriage or raising kids or what you say in a fit of anger)

4. BE SUPPORTIVE (you will NOT always agree but at least listen, sympathize and care)

5. FOLLOW THROUGH (do what you say your going to do whether it is a phone call/hug/date/park time)

6. BE FLEXIBLE (life does change, it is unavoidable, make the best of it or at the very least learn to deal)

7. YOU ARE THE BOSS (as the parent you are in charge from eating dinner to not interrupting to not running in the street, you are the boss not the kids) spankings are a good thing!

8. LISTEN (yep, occassionally you have to shut your mouth and listen, amazing things happen when you do)

9. FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE (we all have bad traits but the good must always outweight the bad) (we are all individuals with our own thoughts, idea's and beliefs, it is how we get along that counts)

10. DAILY HUGS/KISSES AND I LOVE YOU'S ARE MANDANTORY!!!!!! (everyone needs them, admit it, you do)

Granted, I am not a therapist/doctor/counselor but I am happily married and a mother! These are JMO!!!!

Love ya,
T

If you are reading this

Then I have your attention. First I would like to thank the academy (blogger) for allowing me a space to voice my thoughts, be them as they may. Next, I'd like to thank my kids, husband and family for giving me most of the content to blog about. Lastly, I would like to thank my fans (all 4 of you who actually read this) for reading my boring, sometimes mindless ramblings. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your day. Thank you for caring enough about me to want to know what goes on in my life and the lives of my loved ones. Thank you for caring enough to become concerned over some of my postings. My intent over any of my postings was never to worry anyone and I am sorry if I have done so. If I have caused any undo harm, I apologize, I am simply using this forum as a place to record my personal thoughts, ideas and opinions. While I recognize that some of you think posting my personal feelings on a space provided for the whole world to view may not be wise, I have actually in my ramblings been an encouragement and inspiration to some through my parenting/marriage/friendship topics. Please rest assured that nowhere in this site is any of my personal information listed. Also, I do not think my blogs through before I write them, there are no scripts, I write what comes to mind. It is very much an off the cuff post. With that being said, please keep in mind that no matter what emotion I am feeling in THAT moment, be it happy, sad, nervous, anxious, excited, anticipatory, or angry, I am just fine over all. I LOVE my life and thank God every day for it! I am very happily married, mommy to the best 4 kids ever, and blessed with a great support system of family and friends. I love each and everyone of you and thank you for reading my posts.
P.S. please feel free to comment on any posts that you want or at the very least email me if you are concerned or confused over something or just want to add your 2 cents.
P.S.S. Don't be offended if you occassionally find yourself (nameless of course) in my blog. I mean no ill will! Love ya all!