Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Happy birthday Amazing girl

On June 15th 2005 at 1:30pm weighing 7lbs 14oz, this little bundle of pink entered my world and stole my heart.

On June 15th 2011 at 1:30pm weighing 45lbs, this bigger bundle of pink own my heart!

Amazing girl. Amazing girl. Amazing girl.

How did I ever get so blessed by our Father to have the privilege of raising you?

I have never seen the face of God, but I see him daily when you wrap your arms around me and say I love you mommy. I rejoice in him daily as I watch you lift your arms out and sing the newest bible song you have learned. I feel him daily when I watch you stop to pray, your prayers so sweet yet earnest and sincere. I witness daily his love and compassion for all things when I watch you in action as Amazing girl the bug catcher.

Through your eyes, I see the beauty of life. For you sweet child, the catcher of all bugs, including roaches (years from now when you read this, yes, you really did catch a roach with your bare hands to put into your bug play ground to play so mommy didn't kill it) see the value of life in everything. You, dear tomboy, my I-want-to-wear-a-dress-while-I-am-catching-bugs girl, are the first to see, save, love and animal God put on this earth (including the 135lb boa constrictor we saw a few weeks ago). You my sweet future tree hugger, despise litter, you will stop no matter where we are and start to pick it up. Sometimes this is troublesome, for the time it takes and the germs your OCD mother knows you are touching. But, above all, this is beyond fantastic! You have such a caring, concerned heart for all that is in this world. You darling love, take the time, that I so often rush through, to see the beauty in this world; in people, in nature, in love.

You are now officially a 1st grader. WOW! You grew so much this year. You started Kindergarten knowing all your letters and numbers, being social and personable. You ended this school year, reading at a 1st grade level, loving to write (hmm, where so you get that I wonder:) and read, and being more social and personable.You love school, every part of it (except for rest time :) and the teacher in me is delighted! You love your sisters and brothers, your relationship with them growing stronger every day from that of forced sibling to honest friends. You love to be active. You love to mimic mommy (yes, this scares me so). You are constantly helping and encouraging others through your words, actions, drawings and doing.

I have enjoyed watching so many changes in you this year. But the one I have loved the most, is watching your hunger for learning and loving God grow daily!

Everything about you dear Amazing girl is honest, true, genuine, giving, loving, fun, laughing and enjoying. I pray these qualities within you never change!!!!

As you turn 6 today, my independent (but still want and need mommy time and hugs) big girl, know that 6 years ago today was one of the happiest moments of my life. When they handed you to me and you looked up at me as if to say, ok, so this you huh mom? I've been wondering what you looked like, now feed me! I thought for sure I could never be happier or love you more....

I was wrong....I love you one hundred and one, 20 thousand, 5, 23, 9 to heaven, earth and back again!

Happy birthday baby girl, I love you!!!!!

Monday, June 13, 2011

letting go

Somewhere in Georgia, you are sitting in the back seat of the van, probably sleeping right now.

Are you dreaming of mountains...your cousin...New York City...the creek...your brother, sister, daddy or me?

Have you cried? laughed? been sad? bored? or just plain full of excitement?

Letting go..........

You hugged me forever this morning, cuddled up on Nana's couch. All 4 feet plus of you, snuggled in my lap. I made jokes, I cried, I whispered to you, I wondered if I was holding on for too long, but you didn't make a move to be let go, so I held on longer still.

You gave me lots of hugs and kisses by the car...but not nearly enough to fill 5 weeks worth.

It was weird to go pick up your brother and sisters from VBS without picking you up too and tousling your hair because you are too old to be kissed in public.

I miss you like crazy already my sweet precious almost 10 year old little man.

You will have the time of your life this summer, an experience that I would never think to deny you, even as my heart breaks from missing you, my arms long to hold you and I sit crying at the keyboard.

I do not worry for you, that is not the reason for my tears, for I know that our father God will keep you safe and protected, he sees you when I can not.

I know you will be wonderfully cared for and greatly loved, for the ones that enjoy your days right now are the same that raised me.

I know that you will meet cousins you never have, make memories to last a lifetime, visit places I have never been, continue and grow the relationship you have with your Nana and Papa.

I know that you will sometimes get homesick. I know that you will text me and call me lots, you already have. I know that you will grow this summer. I know that you will have more fun than either of us can imagine. I know that you are spreading your wings.

I couldn't ask for a better opportunity for your first time away from home. I am so eternally grateful that you are spreading your wings with family that love and cherish you almost as much as I.

I knew being a parent would be lesson in letting go, in loving, in having faith. I knew it would be hard, the greatest, bestest, most wonderful things in life, often are.

There are 37 days, roughly 900 hours or 53880 minutes until I can hug you again.

Sweet boy, growing daily, don't grow too much this summer. Don't change too much. Don't miss me too much. Don't enjoy the peace and quiet of no sibling squabbles too much.

I will miss our summer baseball watching together curled up on my bed at night. I will miss your laughing. I will miss watching you play trains with your brother. I will miss your sarcasm, so like mine, even if inappropriate sometimes. I will miss sneaking frappe's. I will miss have my front seat passenger. I will miss watching you read, blog, journal, watching TV.

Yet, when I see you again, these things will be so much sweeter. You will not mind the sound of bickering siblings, you will not mind me kissing you in public, you will not mind the annoyances of pesky brother and sisters, you will not mind being called lil cutie.

Adam, this is a new chapter in your book of life, one that will be filled with so many fun times. The memories you will make, the family you will meet, the places you will go. Enjoy every second. Journal often so you remember everything (to tell me and to look back on years from now). Take lots of pictures. Be safe. Have fun. Laugh a lot. Call me often. Text me even more often.


Remember, start shopping for my birthday present now, I want a good one :) xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

When you walk the dogs at night with Nana, remember the moon smiling down on you is also smiling down on us.

I LOVE YOU DOODLEBUG, see you in 35 more days,

Mommy bug

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

happily sad

It's the end of the school year. A time I usually look forward to, being the mom that loves having her babies home for the summer in spite of or perhaps because they drive me crazy. I like knowing what they are doing all day, hearing their laughter, watching them learn, explore, grow and play. I know this time with them is limited. The chance to just be a kid, to have no where to be at a certain time every time, to play in the rain, to enjoy life. I know the opportunities to do these things with them goes away with every passing day as they grow. I know that some day, they will want more than the simple pleasures of riding their bikes all morning, taking a nap, relaxing in front of the TV, and playing in a 2 foot pool. So, with warm weather and ample trips to the beach, summer brings with it the chance for even mommy to be a kid again. A chance for me to slow down and enjoy life in its simplest, innocent form, to look forward to a rain storm just for the chance to play in it.

I have always loved the elementary school my kids have gone to. They, and I, have made some wonderful friends, some great memories and fantastic opportunities. I am blessed they are part of many activities within their schools, that they are accepted and loved for who they are, that they are encouraged to grow and learn.

Today, the last day that my kids will go to their elementary school is met with sadness that overshadows the happy of them starting summer vacation.

The choice to withdraw them from their current school was not one I made lightly. It wasn't an easy decision, it is one that I prayed over. The choice to withdraw them from a place that has been loving and accepting was done only with the best intent for their future.

For as much as I love their school, the very school system within they attend and I work, leaves something to be desired.

It is this desire that led me to withdraw them from their school and place enroll them starting next year in a new school. Yes, this new school is in the same system, however, it is a charter school. A charter school differs from a public school in the fact that a charter school is more directly parentally involved, students have to apply and be chosen to attend, their discipline is stricter. They are a public school, with accountability reported to the stater and funding provided by the state in addition to local businesses. They are much like a non religious private school but without the tuition.

If I only had 1 child I may never have pulled them out of their currently elementary school but when you take in to account all 4 personalities, this was the right choice for all of them.

But, even knowing you made what you think is the right choice, is still hard sometimes. I walked away from the kids school today with tears on my face and a sadness in my heart. I will desperately miss some of the people at their school. I know the kids will miss many friends they have made. We will all miss people that have impacted all our lives. Yes, some of these people we will remain life long friends with. Some of the friends we have made are even transferring school with us. But some people, current friends, will fade away with the passing of time, looked back on lovingly as people that have made a difference in our lives.

I understand that throughout our lives we will always have friends come and go, this is a lesson kids learn young on the playground. Sometimes it is even necessary and desired to allow some friends to fade from our lives. But, I hope those friends that fade away with time, know how special they were and are. Just as I hope the kids and their former school know that there is no place else I would have wanted as our 1st school experience and I look back on our 4 years there with great pride and wonderful happy memories!!!

Now, bring on the rain, naps, late nights, no schedule, sleeping late, ice cream eating, beach and pool playing days of summer :)