unsettled

I can't shake the feeling. I am ready for everything to fall into place.

Wherever the chips may land, I am okay with that, JUST LAND!

It seems lately that I have been thinking "when this is finished", "when that is done" and yet, the "this" and "that" ends and I am still not feeling done.

To say this last year has been crazy would be an understatement.

To say that I am organized and A. Retentive would be a bigger understatement.

I am VERY patient . . . when it comes to my children.

I am very IMPATIENT when it comes to life. Unfortunately, I do want it all and I want it now!

I am still learning to let it go, to rely on HIM, to know that my timing isn't what is best, it is HIS!

There are many area's of life this past year that have blessedly become so much better. There are some area's that still need improvement.

Dreams that seem to be SLOWLY unraveling.
Prayers wanted desperately, prayed-almost begged, still unanswered (again, learning these are my desires and not HIS).
Questions that are never answered and instead ask more questions.

THE FLIPSIDE:

Hugs and sloppy kisses that are never ending
Laughter and joy that flows through the air like the wind
Love that makes it all disappear.

I do know the blessings HE has given me. I do thank HIM daily! I do not that there is nothing I have done to earn a life so rich!

I also know that this unsettled feeling will pass. Dreams will change, questions will be reworded and turned more into prayers. They will be answered.

The Hugs and kisses WILL remain.
The laughter and joy WILL remain.
The love WILL remain.

The focus and feelings already changing. Not gone, but MUCH better.

THANKS FOR LISTENING DEAR FRIEND!!!!!

Bye

I am not sure which has me more excited?

Saying goodbye to the elections commercials (7 days away)?

Saying goodbye to the scary/annoying Halloween commercial (3 days away)

Saying goodbye to the erectile dysfunction drug commercials during the world series games my 7 yr old is watching (??? days away, go Rays, sorry Philly fans)

Saying goodbye to all the garage sale JUNK slowly eating away my precious den (4 days away)

I CAN'T WAIT TO SAY GOODBYE!!!! WHAT ABOUT YOU?

D.O.O.R.S.

Good morning faithful readers (ok, Kim and Michelle:-) I WILL post more today but for now I leave you with this.




I. AM. THANKFUL. FOR. SQUEAKY. DOORS.!!!!




I will not be posting more about this sentence however, that you have to make up on your own!

Talk to ya soon!!!

muddling through

This crazy, wonderful, fun life.

Man, I miss my blog-time. Either posting or reading, all of it gives me a sense of ahhhhhhh.

Least you think that I have forgotten either how to read or write, let me assure you I have not.

I simply am struggling to find time to even brush my teeth right now (make no mistake though, I AM finding time for that!).

I am getting my bearings.

This is the 1st year I have had more than 1 child involved in something and any child involved in more than 1 thing!

So, please bear with me as I muddle the kids and myself through organizing basketball games and practice, church play practice, gymnastics and 4H gardening planting, watering and weeding. Think of me as I super-clean, super-organize and prepare for a garage sale (while hubby is gone). Pray for me as I try to find time to craft (and hopefully sell), volunteer, exercise/Pilate's and sleep, relax and enjoy time with the kids. Finally, wait patiently for me . . . I'll be back! S.O.O.N!!!!!

lead me through

I do not know the exact bible verse that states something like

"He who leads you to it, will lead you through it" (I just know that someone out there will tell me though).

There are days that I live my life that I couldn't be more positive how true that is.

Today will be a day that I will not be able to get through on my own.

There is much, too much to be done.

And, currently my heart and soul are much, too much tired to do it all.

I just want to curl up in bed and sleep until it is all better. Even more depressing is the fact that there are millions of America's out there who feel the same way.

Rarely do all these worlds collide but today they have. THE SCHEDULE (which, yes, I have done to myself)
*Return call to hospital to pre-register for Mammogram
*Call ACH - set up payment for bill
*Bank - deposit $
*Target - cat food (how in the heck did I run out of this?)
*$1 - 4H supplies
*Walgreens - refill ink cartridge
*Park - time to run and stretch legs before rest of day.
*Home - bath and lunch
*School - pick up Katie
*Home - twins nap, Katie lunch then nap, Mommy dishes, clean kitchen, Adam breathing treatment, homework, daily reading, kids chores, pack snacks, change diapers and clothes
*4H - finish preparing garden and have meeting/make scarecrows (leave early for basketball)
*Basketball practice/meet teammates (leave early for school workshop/dinner)
*School workshop/dinner (leave early for home/pilates)
*Jim and kids finally home, older 2 get baths and finish chores, everyone gets stories and bed time routing (brush teeth, songs, prayers) - Mommy at Pilates.
*Finally home - make lunches, get everything ready for tomorrow, finish any cleaning up, sit for a minute and check email and BREATHE!

Honestly, the rest of the week gets better, but only a little!

THE WEARINESS (preface with: some complaints are valid and some are whining, I'll admit)
*Roof/ceiling leaking - BIG TIME! Jim thought he got this fixed yesterday, then it rained last night.
* Dentist appts. that need made and kept and lack of $ or insurance to afford/do either.
* General tiredness, feeling VERY overworked with house/yard/birthday party work
*Concern over lumps/mammo
*Trying to make plaque/craft to sell, no $ or time to make to make $
*Trying to continue to work on starting non-profit, no time for paperwork or start-up, no $ for paperwork/filing fees
*Major Ant problem that just "moves" instead of leaves
* Broken pond pump, breeding mosquito's (again with the damn $)
*feeling very needed/used (not in an enjoyable way by most members of family)

You choose the valid, the whining. Either way, they are what they are!

So, other than unloading on you, anyone who MAY still be reading. I am asking for you to pray that HE sees me through today. I know that HE will, but a few extra prayers in that direction would be appreciated.

Now, off to start the craziness!


Is it bedtime yet ;-?

Dear dad,

You may not have conceived me. You weren't there when I was born. You may not have raised me as a child.

I got to watch you tonight with my kids, alone for a minute as I peeked at you through the living room window.

I got to witness for a moment the kind of daddy that you might have been to my siblings.

While I would love to say I am jealous of my siblings for having you at ages I did not. I am not. Dad, I would not have loved and appreciated you during those years like I do now. I would not have remembered whether you read to me. I now get the joy of watching and remembering you reading to and snuggling with my daughters. I would have taken for granted the love of a father. Now, I stand amazed that you so willingly took on a 13 year old and loved her so completely as your own.

Dad, I know I put you through some hard times. Now as a parent myself I cringe at the thought of how I broke your and mom's heart sometime. B.U.T. I also thank God daily for his loving mercy and grace and for making you my dad.

You once gave me a mini plague that said "You didn't grow under my heart but in it". Tonight, as you so bravely agreed to keep all 4 kids for me, by yourself, I realize that there is nothing you won't do to make your little girl happy. As I watched you for a few minutes through the window, I also realized that there has never been a Papa who loves his grandchildren more.

13 years in the making was worth every minute. Thank you dad, for everything. You make me proud to call you dad!

I LOVE YOU!!!!