Monday, June 13, 2011

letting go

Somewhere in Georgia, you are sitting in the back seat of the van, probably sleeping right now.

Are you dreaming of mountains...your cousin...New York City...the creek...your brother, sister, daddy or me?

Have you cried? laughed? been sad? bored? or just plain full of excitement?

Letting go..........

You hugged me forever this morning, cuddled up on Nana's couch. All 4 feet plus of you, snuggled in my lap. I made jokes, I cried, I whispered to you, I wondered if I was holding on for too long, but you didn't make a move to be let go, so I held on longer still.

You gave me lots of hugs and kisses by the car...but not nearly enough to fill 5 weeks worth.

It was weird to go pick up your brother and sisters from VBS without picking you up too and tousling your hair because you are too old to be kissed in public.

I miss you like crazy already my sweet precious almost 10 year old little man.

You will have the time of your life this summer, an experience that I would never think to deny you, even as my heart breaks from missing you, my arms long to hold you and I sit crying at the keyboard.

I do not worry for you, that is not the reason for my tears, for I know that our father God will keep you safe and protected, he sees you when I can not.

I know you will be wonderfully cared for and greatly loved, for the ones that enjoy your days right now are the same that raised me.

I know that you will meet cousins you never have, make memories to last a lifetime, visit places I have never been, continue and grow the relationship you have with your Nana and Papa.

I know that you will sometimes get homesick. I know that you will text me and call me lots, you already have. I know that you will grow this summer. I know that you will have more fun than either of us can imagine. I know that you are spreading your wings.

I couldn't ask for a better opportunity for your first time away from home. I am so eternally grateful that you are spreading your wings with family that love and cherish you almost as much as I.

I knew being a parent would be lesson in letting go, in loving, in having faith. I knew it would be hard, the greatest, bestest, most wonderful things in life, often are.

There are 37 days, roughly 900 hours or 53880 minutes until I can hug you again.

Sweet boy, growing daily, don't grow too much this summer. Don't change too much. Don't miss me too much. Don't enjoy the peace and quiet of no sibling squabbles too much.

I will miss our summer baseball watching together curled up on my bed at night. I will miss your laughing. I will miss watching you play trains with your brother. I will miss your sarcasm, so like mine, even if inappropriate sometimes. I will miss sneaking frappe's. I will miss have my front seat passenger. I will miss watching you read, blog, journal, watching TV.

Yet, when I see you again, these things will be so much sweeter. You will not mind the sound of bickering siblings, you will not mind me kissing you in public, you will not mind the annoyances of pesky brother and sisters, you will not mind being called lil cutie.

Adam, this is a new chapter in your book of life, one that will be filled with so many fun times. The memories you will make, the family you will meet, the places you will go. Enjoy every second. Journal often so you remember everything (to tell me and to look back on years from now). Take lots of pictures. Be safe. Have fun. Laugh a lot. Call me often. Text me even more often.


Remember, start shopping for my birthday present now, I want a good one :) xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

When you walk the dogs at night with Nana, remember the moon smiling down on you is also smiling down on us.

I LOVE YOU DOODLEBUG, see you in 35 more days,

Mommy bug

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Like I needed to sit at gymnastics reading this in public crying. Well written as always.