If you know me well, you know that I often take on too much, that I have come to live by the motto, go big or go home and that I am a recovering OCD perfectionist.
Yep, you read that right..... recovering.....
It seems all these years that I was suffering from being an OCD perfectionist.
Well, I finally got help for that.
I am no longer quite OCD or suffering from it.
I have accepted the fact that I am OCD and I have further accepted the fact, that the world is not going to come to a screeching, ending halt, if everything isn't perfect!
Yes, this bit of wisdom was shocking to me as well.
My recovery process was easy, so easy in fact that I almost didn't notice it taking place.
What you ask, aided in my recovery?
WORK AND GRAD SCHOOL!
You see when I decided to go back to school, I arrogantly thought it would not impact my life that much. I would only be giving up the hours I spent at night watching TV....I thought! When I decided to go back to work, albeit part time, I thought it would serve as dual function to make extra money and have time to do homework (because we all know a substitute is a glorified babysitter :)
I THOUGHT WRONG!!
Somewhere over the course of the last 4 months, I learned a whole lot more than just linguistics, vocabulary and webquest. I learned......
okay, not true...not even a little.
But I did learn how to juggle. I learned to ask for help and actually accept it. I learned that I can live on little sleep. I learned that I MUST HAVE COFFEE! I learned that I am stronger than I thought, that I am more organized than I thought, that I am a bigger nerd than I thought! I learned that everyone needs a schedule, but that too can be changed, forgotten and mended as needed. I learned that what truly does look like complete and total utter chaos on the outside, makes perfect sense to me, but I also learned that it making sense to me isn't enough....It has to make sense to the people in my life! I learned that my house is not ever going to be clean as long as I am in school and guess what.....it's okay (ok, maybe I am still convincing myself of this one :) I learned that my kids aren't going to be malnourished if I make them macaroni and cheese with a fruit or vegetable for dinner (come on now, you knew I would still HAVE to give them a fruit or vegetable) and in fact, they actually LOVE it and want it more often. I learned that guilt is equal parts over-rated and equal parts necessary. I learned that I could actually live without watching TV but probably (most definitely) not facebook. I learned that I love driving on the interstate for an hour with the windows down and the music loud (ok, maybe I always knew that). I learned every classroom in the world is kept at freezing cold sub zero temperatures....seriously people... is there really a need for this? I learned that I do love to read, but really, 3 books on the exact same subject may be a bit much. I learned how to enjoy my time with the kiddo's more and sneak in minutes with them, that I may have otherwise passed up. I learned that I NEED time to be just Tracy...not mommy, not Mr. Producer's wife, not my parents daughter, or even my friends friend...and I learned NOT to feel guilty about this. I learned that I need an ipad, yep, need :) I learned that the kids, the animals and even Mr. Producer won't starve, will pitch out when absolutely necessary and they do notice when I am gone and are happy to see me when I return. I learned that my mom is truly the best editor in the world, I learned that my OCD perfectionistic ways could be squelched a little, I learned that I MISS THE GYM AND RUNNING. I learned that I have to leave myself sticky notes to remember to do the checkbook. But, most important....I learned that I am surrounded by some of the most supportive, funny, best friends and family in the whole wide world!
I learned that even though I take on too much and am perfect at nothing, I am pretty decent at quite a few things, juggling and going big are a couple of them!!!!
Now, I have to go look up the definition of a mop, see if I still have 4 children (that is how many I am suppose to have, right?) and answer the demanding shrill of the checkbook and the fervent plea of the gym!
visit our new home!
3 years ago