Unprepared

We giggle now.

The bag full of positive pregnancy tests (yes, full. There was no believing 1, 2 or even 3. Finally at 5 I consented) that I gave to daddy as a belated Fathers Day gift!

{{{Totally unprepared and shocked in the discovery of a you}}}

Papa saying "It is twins this time I know it" (even though there was absolutely NO reason for you to be twins). Me "Dad, hush, I wouldn't wish that on anybody, that is mean"

{{{Totally unprepared and unaware the growing of you}}}

The Dr. pausing at the ultrasound, re-imaging my belly over and over. Finally relenting "Mr. Producer (not really what the Dr. calls your daddy by the way) come here.

{{{Totally unprepared for the results of the pregnant pause, the first sight of a growing you}}}

The image of 2, cells at best, warnings of no development, encouraged restraint in sharing, scenario's of possible expulsion, again cells at best, 2 would be's.

{{{Totally unprepared to want, pray, hope, beg for a terrifying reality of 2 growing you's}}}

The phone call to the one that had tried so hard, so long to get "the bump". The I-am-stealing-your-thunder-moment. I state "I do not know how I want you to react or what I want you to say but..."

{{{Totally unprepared for the gracious acceptance of the growing of you}}}

The wait for beating hearts.

{{{Totally unprepared for peace about the growing you}}}

The constant appointments, problems, tests, reading, worrying, planning.

{{{Totally unprepared for the coming of impatient you}}}

The cries, 2, loud yet squeaky, simultaneous on occasion, similar in pitch, tone, need

{{{Totally unprepared for the NICU stat calls of a distressed you}}}

The worrying, praying, begging, planning, hoping, dreaming, crying

{{{Totally unprepared for the news, good, bad, indifferent of a fighting you}}}

The it is ok to go home, finally, as a family.

{{{Totally unprepared for actually leaving, bringing home, raising of you}}}

The feeding, diapering, laundering, redirecting, cleaning. constantly. always.

{{{Totally unprepared for the work of busy, active, constant you}}}

The kisses, giggling, teaching, hugging, playing, laughing, loving, sharing. constantly. always.

{{{Totally unprepared for the joy, peace, completeness, pleasure, delight, happiness of you}}}

Happy birthday my unprepared, much loved, can't wait to see what tomorrow brings, joyful, I am so happy to be unprepared because I have you babies! Whether you are turning 2 or 22, you will always be, my babies! Thanks for showing me the beauty of being unprepared!!!

I love you!!!!

Faith, hope, love

One of my youngers is determined to ride a bike for themselves. They are not ready. I don't let go. They have no choice. I know what they need, what I am saving them from, even while they don't. They push me away and fall. I don't gloat. I rush to their side. I kiss the pain. I offer again to help. It may be taken or they may be determined to do it again. ALONE. Still I stand and wait.

One of my youngers ask for help with everything. Afraid to do anything alone. I help when I know they need it. I encourage them to try when I know they can. I force them to do it alone (under my watchful eye of course) when they must.

One of my youngers relishes in my world. Doing all things mom. Rarely leaves my side and looks back constantly when they do. They need to know that I will always be here. I will never leave. I will not always be there the second they demand it, but I will always be there.

One of my youngers has very little need for me at all. The independence so strong I only serve a very limited need. They could walk away tomorrow and conquer the world. They will call home at night to let me know though that they did it ALONE. So independent. Yet, I am still here. I still encourage, I still love, I still set limits for I know they do need me.

One of my youngers has a need for reprimand on a minute by minute basis it seems. There is a strength in that. It will serve them well. I am still showing love. I never give up. I continue on. I know there will be a day when my desire will be won. I know they will understand someday.

One of my youngers has such a need to please. To do as told. To willingly accept. To rarely need reprimand. To be easy going and always ready for a hug. They are not my favorite. There are no favorites, only love for different reasons. They all think they are the favorite though and yet they know they are no better in my eyes than the next.

You ask, I will provide. Some provisions are immediate. The need for food, love. Some provisions are forthcoming play dates, outings. Some provisions are really a passing fancy that will not be meet, video games, designer clothes.

You disobey, I reprimand. Some reprimands are severe, a spanking, a I need your attention NOW. Some are just needing time alone. Some reprimands are the gentle voice, encouragement to do better. You cry when you are hurt. I kiss away the pain of a fall. I inwardly ache and stand aside to let you absorb the pain of a spanking. Then I kiss away the pain, after the lesson has been taught.

You have the choice to do things on your own. You have the choice to not listen to me.

You don't have to ask for my advice, opinions, you do not HAVE to seek my help. Yet, you do.

You do not have to love me, yet you do. I do not have to love you, yet I never wouldn't!

I don't have to see to believe
I don't have to touch to know
I don't have to have all the answers
There are many things that won't become clear until the day He calls me home
There are inconsistencies in stories
There are metaphor's I don't understand
There are lies greater than I can imagine

There is faith, love, hope

There are truths bigger than I can comprehend
There are promises greater than I can deserve
There is a love bigger than I expect
There are things I know

My Father loves me like I love the children He has given me.
If I let him, My Father reveals himself through my parenting.
If I let him, My Father sets the example for how I should raise, reprimand, care for and love my/His children.

If I reckon him to me and me to them our relationship is identical, except when he knows more than me (which is always).

I'll deny it

Yep, I am not above a little denial when my very womanhood is at stake!

I remember growing up and watching my mom, my grandma, my aunt, shoot, strangers sewing. I thought it looked easy enough. Sort of relaxing and soothing.

I remember thinking that when I became a mom, I too would sew matching dresses for me and my daughters.

Then came 7th grade home ec. I persevered through the pin cushion. A very dear friend of mine still has a pillow I sewed for her. I even managed to make a sweatshirt. Never mind that it would have only managed to fit on an oddly shaped dog. I made it and I passed!

Moving on to 10th and 11th grade. I took Spanish. Yep, 2 full years. I passed that too.

Hola, como estes?

I can also count to 10 in Spanish.

That is it, my 2 years and this is what I remember. I don't even remember how to say I love you. (I can name a few colors, thanks Dora)

What does my lack of Spanish speaking skills and sewing have in common? Continue on

B.U.T.... If you are an avid seamstress or even know how to thread a needle, you may want to brace yourself, it is not pretty!!!

It seems harmless enough. Although I am not sure what these little things are or how they would be used or even why they would be used, I feel I am well prepared in having them.

Apparently Mr. Producer isn't the only pack rat in the family. I admit that saving buttons from recently purchased articles of clothing may be a good thing. But, really, the bags they came in? REALLY?

Then we stumble across a whole collection of buttons (at least these have been set free from bondage) Some are small, some are big, some are colorful, others are plain and some are just down right ugly and older than my grandma (please don't be offended grandma ;)

Now this is where my sewing box (originally sold as a tackle box, but who am I to judge when things want to change genders) starts to get a little, um, well, you pick the adjective

googly eyes anyone?

Maybe this is suppose to be a craft box?

Or a scrapbook box (these are picture frame stickers, hundreds of them, in case you can't tell)

Not all together sure what these are, but they are wood and look crafty?!

And this is where my sewing, err, craft, err, scrap booking box just gets, well WEIRD!

a portion of a lamp? What? You don't have one in your sewing kit? How ill prepared you are!

And keeping with the things that make you hmmmmmm. Yep, bells from baby shoes circa 19I-am-way-to-young-to-have-worn-these?!!?!!!

And getting the award for being the most weird item in Tracy's bizarro sewing kit is none other than................................. (drumroll please)..........................................

Yep, you are seeing things correctly. It is a bag of HAIR! Here is the part of the story where I could lie and well honestly you would never know. I could say it was from Katie's 1st hair cut. I could. But, in keeping things real, I have to confess that it is a bag of my hair. I remember this haircut well. It was a warm day and I was, OH HECK, I DON'T HAVE A FREAKIN' CLUE YA'LL!

Ok, digging farther leads me to believe there is hope for this sewing box yet.

(psst I don't recall ever sewing a hook and eye or a snap, but well like everything else, there is safety in numbers)

Thread: check

Rivets: check (I know you are impressed that I knew what they were called! Thanks babe for the answer;)

Rolling exacto knife: check

Pins: check

picture frame easel: check

Clock guts: check

Outlet cover: check

Come on people, if you are missing any of the above in your sewing kit, you need to ask a professional to better stock yours!

At last, THREAD!

However, I am still on the hunt for the elusive needle though to sew Becca's bear back together.

When all else fails, use glue. That oughta work, right?

Is this a mirage? Could it be?

Finally at long last, through the carnage of my well stocked sewing kit I find the needle in the wreckage. Hiding, in the corner, with a stray button and some thread. Think they are trying to tell me something?!

So, there you have it. My Monica closet if you will. My deepest, darkest secret. My reason 523 why I don't volunteer to help make costumes for the Christmas play. My, I have to give mom something to talk about in therapy (hey, I'm just doing my part)!

2 hours, 1 blog post and 16 pictures later, Becca's bears surgery went well. He is healing nicely in bed snuggling with his owner. As for the surgeon, she is putting her tools away. Yep, all of them right back where they were. Have I mentioned I don't like change?

For the record....

There are a million things I should be doing. Really, a million

Emptying the dishwasher
Folding 4 loads of laundry
Sleep
Catching up on DVR'ed TV
Make a grocery list
Play with Katie
Nap
Snuggle with Adam
Make bead jewelry with Katie before the little's get up
Listen to Adam read (homework)
Start dinner
Check my eyelids for holes
Clean up the kitchen
Call my hairdresser
Clean the litter box (Mr. Producer, when are you coming home;)
Pay bills
Sleep
Work on our finances
Call the dentist
Search for dental insurance plans
Go to the bread store
Rest (yea, with my eye's closed)
Go to the lo-carb store
Clean desk
Clean den
Read next chapter of and work on The Love Dare
Cut-out and organize coupons
Sleep (man 5:45 2 days in a row is a killer)
Clean the bathroom
Vacuum
and most importantly, seek intervention for my facebook and blogging addiction!

There, I admitted it, I need help! Anyone want to come give me a hand with any of my chores?

Oh, you thought I needed help with my addiction? Ha, I got that all under control. I can check these all by myself!!!

Thankfully, Mr. Producer is the world's greatest husband. He will come home, he will help, he will not complain, he will let me know what is going on in everyone's blogging and facebook worlds while I cry that there are not enough hours in the day for me to get my never ending chores done (all while I am emptying the dishwasher and making lunches and cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry) He will smile and hug me when I say we need a housekeeper. He will NOT remind me that I only do this to myself and he will certainly not tell me that I do need some serious intervention! Yea, he may even be found matching the socks, sweeping the floor and pushing me out of bed again at 5:45 tomorrow morning to exercise!! Goodness, he loves me!

I love him, I love him, I love him!

There were cards

and candy.

He even sprung for flowers

and dinner, complete with a new feeder, err, china

but Mr. Producer knows that the best way to this girls heart is through small boxes

with delicate little gifts inside

for there is nothing that makes this urban country girls heart beat faster than the promise of................................

her very own C H I C K E N S!

I LOVE YOU MR. PRODUCER! THANKS FOR KNOWING WHAT MAKES ME TICK!!!!

P.s. the fondue, night with friends and movie was pretty cool too!

These are the days of our lives

*** DISCLAIMER *** I make my bed for no one, sorry, you are no exception!!

Not even 3 hours into today and here is plays out, just for you, in pictures and words. These are the days of my life. The one's I hope to look back on and laugh (not so much giggling going on at the moment;). The one's that I will miss when they are all grown (except for the laundry, really, nakedness should be the law). These are the one's you can never prepare for before you have children, although yours will never be like this (see post below on the things we say before we are parents).

Sit back, relax, be entertained and giggle, it's ok, inside I am giggling too.

But, if you find a few minutes of peace, quiet, solitude and cleanliness, please send them my way;)

It all started like this, a few (ok, 75 extra, details, details) extra minutes spent in our oh so comfy bed this morning. Now that we are all so well rested, the rest of the day should be GREAT!

Thing 1 apparently felt it took mommy to long to use the bathroom and start coffee this morning. In protest, her poor princess is forced to sleep on a cold, hard, surface! I pity her children;)

Before he can even be bothered with breakfast, Picasso, aka thing 2 MUST get to work. There is much to be painted, colored, drawn and splattered and really between the obligatory sleeping, diapering and mess making, there is very little time to do it all! Quick and stealth are the words of the day!

Nothing is immune as a canvas. Mom and Dad's new quilt wouldn't be part of our house if it was pristine!

Personally, skin is his favorite masterpiece, on account of it takes permanent marker a LONG time to come off. This way the whole world gets to see my talents!

He even managed to swipe big sister's forehead as she made a grab for the marker. When that failed we will just shout "Mom, J has a marker in your room"! For the record, Mom can be gazelle intense when she has to be!

Notice that big sister got dressed all by herself this morning! What not to wear has nothing on her!

Thing 1 decided that maybe searching for and finding clothes was maybe too much work! Just a diaper is the new dressed!Picasso is back. His second favorite medium to work with after permanent marker is food! There are so many ways to toss it, splatter it, spit it, throw it, slam it, squish it. Here's a sample of what he can do with peaches!

While mom is cleaning up peaches, we go play in our kitchen. Seems so nice, quiet, innocent. Until they all leave from here and you hear the bathtub water running.

Mastering the art of trio distraction, 1 has escaped with tea cup from kitchen and water from bathroom to create this gorgeous masterpiece. Is my bed not even sacred little monsters, I mean, people? And just think, it is suppose to be a place of love!
So, instead of cleaning this.....

or this........

Or this.....................

Mommy is doing this.......................

The sacrifices she makes for you her only reader is nothing short of commendable! Really!

Meanwhile we are doing this...............................

And this.........

We look like we are reading, but really we are searching for new trouble making opportunities, I mean adventures!

Heeeeeeeere's broccoli

The post you have been waiting for with bated breath!





I know, I am horrible for keeping you in suspense for so long! Can you ever forgive me?





Here it is, Adam's broccoli from his 4h garden

There truly has never been a more proud child!

It weighed in at 5lbs (not the 13lbs some of our fellow gardeners pulled in their cauliflower, but impressive in it's own right for this 1st time gardener) and taste delicious!!!!

Since we all love broccoli in many forms, not a drop of this heaven sent blessing will go to waste.

Now to really give credit where credit is due, we only planted the seeds. Our Father took care of the rest. Really, we only went back 2x after the initial planting and checked on it! Isn't it amazing what He can do when we quit interfering?

Great Job Adam all the same for your planting, checking and picking! It is wonderful and so are you!

confidential to MAC

I love you, thanks for the laughs and the computer time. You are the best editor, or at least the most comical, I know!

p.s. figure out how to leave a comment, darnit!

p.s.s. I hope it was worth the wait, more will come tomorrow, my chores are all done! LOL!

Did I say I don't believe in bribing

Here is a list of all the ridiculous things I swore I would never do as a parent........

quick break to dry the tears of laughter before I continue......

#1. I would never let my child sleep with me
#2. I will never give advice to another mother
#3. I would never allow my child to run in the house
#4. I would never yell
#5. I would take potty training in stride, really it is just a little pee
#6. My children would never yell
#7. My kids would never have chocolate for breakfast
#8. My child would NEVER, I mean, NEVER run around in just a diaper
#9. I would never allow one to do something and scold another child for doing the same thing
#10. I would never make my own baby food, why do the work?
#11. I would never bribe my kids with candy, cookies, cakes
#12. My kids will not have dessert every night
#13. I will never send my children to bed crying
#14. I will never use anything other than my hand to swat my sweeties
#15. My kids will not have to do chores other than pick up their toys
#16. My house will be a democracy.

Here is a list of the ridiculous things that I now make a part of my daily routine, ok, maybe not daily, but definitely weekly!

#1. Adam joined us when he was 2.5 years old, Katie joined us when she was 2 weeks old and refuse to sleep anywhere else and the twins, well, honestly, I am not sure they ever left, JUST KIDDING!
#2. Give advice, that implies a quick let me tell you this real quick. HAHAHAHA!!! You got a few days, I got a thesis I wanna share.............................
#3. Hey, I don't allow them to run with scissors.
#4. Hold on, I have to finish yelling at the kids, ok?
#5. Potty training really is my nemesis
#6. Hang on a sec, I can't hear you over the kids screaming.
#7. I figure chocolate is made of dairy, that is healthy, right?
#8. Getting dressed is highly OVERRATED!
#9. What is good for the goose is not always good for the gander
#10. Really, commercial baby food, I don't know what is in that (and it is not on the dave ramsey plan)
#11. Who ever has said bribery is a bad thing has never been a parent of more than 1 child!
#12. Isn't dessert one of the major food groups?
#13. NEVER say never! This is the only part of the post I may be serious about and damn #13 does hurt me more than it hurts them!
#14. Have you met my spankin' stick? If it comes off the wall, you are gonna meet it!
#15. Ok, my kids will never do chores other than pick up their toys, room, help with laundry, dishes, vacuum, take out the trash, more chores will be forthcoming.
#16. There is nothing wrong with a dictatorship!!! Really, you wanna argue with me?

What are some of your "I'll never's"?

They really are funny to look back on now and laugh.

I think this is the part where I am suppose to list all the things I love about having children, but I gotta run to the grocery store, for milk, for the ones I love. Stay Tuned

Happy belated anniversary

2/2/08 was a VERY monumental day for Mr. Producer and I.

It was B.I.G.

Bigger than Christmas big.

Bigger than Disney world big.

Bigger than wedding day or baby big (well almost)

2/2/08 was the last day of guilt in our lives.

2/2/08 was the last day of panic, the last day of frivolousness, the last day of paying 1800x more for anything than it is worth.

2/2/08 was the LAST TIME WE USED A CREDIT CARD FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!!!!

Yes, you heard me (or rather, you read me) correctly.

F.O.R.E.V.E.R.

E.N.D. O.F. T.I.M.E

D.O.N.E

Not even a back-up. No emergency card, no gas card, no hidden ones tucked away for there-is-a-major-diaper-sale-going-on-and-I-have-to-stock-up -NOW-sale.

N.A.D.A.

Now, to make this more understandable to some of you who either have never had a credit card (stay away, far, far, away) or who have one and constantly pay it off (they are still a bad idea even then) or who have become debt free, we were credit card addicts!!!

Yes, ADDICTS!!!!

That seems kinda harsh you say. Well, when we 1st meet, Mr. Producer had 2 credit cards and I had 2 credit cards. Not so bad, maybe even manageable. The 4 become 6 and 6 became 8 and our credit cards multiplied faster than our children did until we ran into real problems. We decided that we needed help. We signed up for credit counseling and in just 5 long, err, short years, they were paid off!!!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! And we swore we would never get another credit card AGAIN!

B.U.T..........................................................................................................

The house needed a new roof. Mr. Producer was a SAHD+I was a teacher+we had NOTHING in savings+Home Depot/6 months same as cash=BUMBUMBUM...............

It always starts out innocent. I will pay it off before the 6 months (we had furniture we were going to do this with and sold it after 5 years of owning it before we even paid it off:( I will pay the balance due every month, I will double the minimum payment.

Then life happens and you don't, or rather we didn't.

1 child became 2, then 3 and 4 arrived along with a whole lot of grocery bills, medical bills, clothes bills, diapers, you get the idea.

Before we knew it we had 1 gas card, 2 dept store cards, 3 visa's, a mastercard, a platinum mastercard and a TA-DAH Discover card (man we thought we were IT)! Now not all of them were maxed (actually on 3 were and a couple did not have a balance) but I could see where we were headed!

Enter Stage left: DAVE RAMSEY!!!!!!!

I do not think God had ever picked a more opportune man to walk into my life. Dave did for me what no other man could (sorry babe)! Dave, oh Dave!

If you have never read or heard of Dave Ramsey, you need to immediately call 911 and have them check your pulse, then ask them to deposit you at the library so you can check out a book by him!! Dave Ramsey, envelopes, baby steps and all things cash rock! If this makes sense to you then you get it, if it doesn't then you need to get it!

Anyway, this wonderful short little message was just my opportunity to say happy belated anniversary to myself, Mr. Producer and Dave Ramsey!!

Here is to living like no one else so later we can live like no one else!!!!!