Unprepared

We giggle now.

The bag full of positive pregnancy tests (yes, full. There was no believing 1, 2 or even 3. Finally at 5 I consented) that I gave to daddy as a belated Fathers Day gift!

{{{Totally unprepared and shocked in the discovery of a you}}}

Papa saying "It is twins this time I know it" (even though there was absolutely NO reason for you to be twins). Me "Dad, hush, I wouldn't wish that on anybody, that is mean"

{{{Totally unprepared and unaware the growing of you}}}

The Dr. pausing at the ultrasound, re-imaging my belly over and over. Finally relenting "Mr. Producer (not really what the Dr. calls your daddy by the way) come here.

{{{Totally unprepared for the results of the pregnant pause, the first sight of a growing you}}}

The image of 2, cells at best, warnings of no development, encouraged restraint in sharing, scenario's of possible expulsion, again cells at best, 2 would be's.

{{{Totally unprepared to want, pray, hope, beg for a terrifying reality of 2 growing you's}}}

The phone call to the one that had tried so hard, so long to get "the bump". The I-am-stealing-your-thunder-moment. I state "I do not know how I want you to react or what I want you to say but..."

{{{Totally unprepared for the gracious acceptance of the growing of you}}}

The wait for beating hearts.

{{{Totally unprepared for peace about the growing you}}}

The constant appointments, problems, tests, reading, worrying, planning.

{{{Totally unprepared for the coming of impatient you}}}

The cries, 2, loud yet squeaky, simultaneous on occasion, similar in pitch, tone, need

{{{Totally unprepared for the NICU stat calls of a distressed you}}}

The worrying, praying, begging, planning, hoping, dreaming, crying

{{{Totally unprepared for the news, good, bad, indifferent of a fighting you}}}

The it is ok to go home, finally, as a family.

{{{Totally unprepared for actually leaving, bringing home, raising of you}}}

The feeding, diapering, laundering, redirecting, cleaning. constantly. always.

{{{Totally unprepared for the work of busy, active, constant you}}}

The kisses, giggling, teaching, hugging, playing, laughing, loving, sharing. constantly. always.

{{{Totally unprepared for the joy, peace, completeness, pleasure, delight, happiness of you}}}

Happy birthday my unprepared, much loved, can't wait to see what tomorrow brings, joyful, I am so happy to be unprepared because I have you babies! Whether you are turning 2 or 22, you will always be, my babies! Thanks for showing me the beauty of being unprepared!!!

I love you!!!!